The World At 19

I really can't believe that I'm 19, and I'm three quarters through 1st year at Uni already. It's just really scary. And it's my last year as a teen. Eeek. On this site, I've got my rantings from when I was 16, up to now, but I really couldn't tell you what on earth happened in that time. A lot of weird stuff I think. Maybe that should be another article. We shall see. I'm gonna take this opportunity to say again how much I've appreciated all your comments, ideas, thoughts, and general input over the last few years. Any cunning plans to avoid the onset of my twenties? Then please send high priority mail to the usual address...

We all have to have strong opinions about something in this life. An issue you think is important, a point of view you're willing to argue. For me, the equality and acceptance of gay people (term used inclusively), is one cause that I feel passionately about, and I'm prepared to speak my mind. It is, undeniably, a big part of me. However, it has to be said, as many people don't realise, that there is 'more to Graham than gay'. Contrary to what this site suggests.

I think it's just becoming a pet hate; people, friends, aquantances, whatever, bringing gay-orientated references into a conversation at every conceivable point. It does get tedious. I mean, there's so much more to a person, any person -- even me -- than their non-straightness. [What would I do without my made-up words?]. It's not a massive problem though, I suppose. Not many people do it.

The chances are, it's partly my fault, not just because I'm so pro-open, anti-twats, but because I really don't talk alot. Strangely enough. Guess I was just made to be a listener, unless you get me into a debate. Hmm. So anyway, I think becuase of that, I'm just kind of seen some of the time, as 'gay'. Despite being only vaguely 'gay' on the outside. Etc.

Point being... So I fancy guys, so I stand up for what *I* believe in, so I *am* gay. I am a lot of other things too. Kinda thing.

You can understand this in any way you choose to. I guess I partly meant it to be about being open, and allowing yourself to love. It's so easy to be scared and cynical when you've seen what I've seen. But you gotta love. It's a strength, not a weakness. I'm sorry to those who I was bad at showing it to. In a more general, generalistic kinda generalisation - accept it, don't back away from it!! :p ..end intellectualism..

I was talking away on OUT about the gay scene, and just thought I'd write some more here. For those who aren't sure about what I mean, the gay scene, or simply 'the scene' as it's often referred to, is just kinda like a buzz word for everything gay in a cIty. Primarliy it means the pubs/bars and clubs though.

So, to be blunt, I don't actually like the gay scene as it is. Well I guess that's not strictly true, coz I kinda like the gay pubs where I live - they're quite cool, if not overcrowded. They're modern and relatively friendly, and they don't ripp you off -- very important for us student alcoholics. The clubs however...

I'm gonna take a dig at CC's (CC Blooms), Edinburgh's most famous queer venue. To a lot of people, including myself, it can appear a bit intimidating and well, pretentious almost. There's loadsa reasons why it's like that really. Partly because 'looking good' is a central part of gay culture - and it's really difficult not to feel 'put down' or looked down upon if you've not spent hours making yourself look fantastic. Or if you dress in some way alternative to the so-called gay norm that is tight tops or leather. If you walk in feeling confident however, then it's less of an issue.

Another reason is the dance cheese music, or the hard house music, and the ego dancers that come with it. The music that gay clubs play, and it's lack of diversity, is a reason in itself. What about the gay indie or nu metal clubbers for example? We tend to go to alternative clubs, rather than gay clubs because of it - that's probably fine though, coz the (Edinburgh) alternative clubs tend to be gay friendly anyway. As for the ego dancers in gay clubs - fair enough I guess - if they're good, they're good. They've got a reason for their (aparent) over-confidence. As intimidating as it can be.

So this is my vision for a gay club venue that has as a diverse range of music as it does gay clubbers, my ideal...

• Playing everything from Indie Rock to Goth Rock, Rock 'n' Roll to Retro Pop, Skate Punk to Nu Metal, Cheese to R&B.

• Mixed nights and dedicated nights.

• Drinks promotions and student offers.

• Straight-friendly!

• Spacious and stylish surroundings and a laid back atmosphere.

For those who are unsure about what I'm talking about, let me explain. The Glasgow Neds, or the Edinburgh Chavs, or your regional variation, are the hazardous unwashed that plague dense urban areas around the country. They move in swarms looking for victims unlucky enough to cross their path. At best, the victim will re-emerge at the other side having suffered nothing worse than an onsought of verbal abuse. At worst, you'll end up hospitalised.

These people don't like anyone, considering they're at the bottom of every ladder from intelligence to housing, social skills to career. They especially don't like nerds, racial minorities, and yep, gay people.

And it's not enough anymore to just avoid dark streets in dodgy areas. No, they've emerged from the chavlands and have sprawled onto the streets of our city centres. Do you dare hold hands? Well yeah, of course - can't let ourselves get paranoid. But I won't condemn anyone who makes a conscious effort to appear straight upon sighting a group of the undesirables. It's a self-preservation thing. If you go down a quiet steeet, they will follow.

All I can say is Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! Burn the f**kers!! Argh. Sigh.

[OK so maybe I should be suggesting intelligent solutions. They're all too long-term though. The problem is now well-engrained into today's society, and I refuse to accept intimidation as acceptable... What should be done with the NEDs?]