Love And Cool: Non-Linear Rantings

I believe in love. Despite being one of the many 80's-and-onwards generation kids with split parents and a perspective where nothing lasts forever. And despite being almost incapable of allowing love/realising love/showing love, I do believe. I do have soft insides, (as does everyone), even though precious few have seen me cry. "Boys don't cry".

This love thing though, it's unavoidable, and it affects every last person on earth, the vast majority of which all have the single aim in life of finding it. And keeping it. Is that obvious? Or ridiculous? Well that's how I see it. Because part of me used to think I didn't want love, because I didn't trust it, maybe I didn't believe in it. So that, for the confused, is no doubt partly why I'm writing this. But at some point or other I changed my mind apparently. I don't understand it though.. love I mean... what's love, and what's something else? Are us human-things destined to wonder forever, or do you reckon you've got it figured?

The whole thing is a bit of a complicated mess inside my head anyway. So in my quest for understanding and worldly insight (hehe), I've categorised The Love Thing into 3 um... erm... categories... I guess...

• Lust
  Nothing really debatable. When you fancy the hell out of someone, to the point where you're completely obsessed.

• 'Something powerful'
  My term. The stage you reach, often without realising it. I think this, powerful something, is 'love' without being 'in love'. Note distinction. The subtle version. The cutest version. But maybe the most uncontent version. But maybe not.

• In Love
  Overused phrase. The ultimate goal? The illusive goal. When you can't live without each other, and are completely tied emotionally. I was gonna say "when you're dependant on each other", but I don't think 'in love' is synonymous with 'dependant'. The cynic in me says it doesn't exist, and if it does, it's only temporary. Can feelings that strong last forever? Or do they have to burn out? I donno. Maybe it's meant to grow from 'something powerful'.

One thing I do believe is that a real relationship has to be based on friendship, and that the line between the two isn't always as obvious as you'd think. From my experience, and from my friends'. So when it seems more like one, when it's meant to be the other, then that's ok I think. Just as long as you don't get caught wondering what it's meant to be. Then it's a nightmare.

I don't believe in cool. Even though it comes hand in hand with love. Really, it does. It's what you are, pre-love, and post-love, or at least it's what you are trying to be. Cool. It's a condradiction in terms -- the very last thing 'being cool' is, is cool. And it's a trap, that we all can't help but fall into. It's a conscious effort, as much as it's a subconscious desire. Above all else, it's the height of fecked-up-ness.

Pre-love. When you're out, or simply out-and-about, when you're on the look-out. You wanna look cool, you wanna act cool, you just wanna be seen as cool, so that if you happen to meet a hot boy then you just might be in with a chance. Bearing in mind the hot boy will be doing exactly the same. So you're both there, trying to be this thing, which you both think is what the other wants. Crazy really, because what you both actually want is the real personality, not the cool personality. Especially because the cool personality is often a lot more cringe-worthy than the real one. However, I guess it all works out, a certain amount of the time anyway.

Post-love. Or post-relationship anyway. The most awful type of cool. And we all kinda live by it, though I wish we didn't. It's when we go out our way to appear confident, happy, and cool without the ex, for the sole benefit of the ex. Sometimes to make ourselves look better, sometimes to make ourselves feel better, and sometimes simply to antagonise. In a lot of respects, 'post-love cool' is the ultimate front that you can put on.

And it's probably the one that fecks you up the most, if not the other dude too. You never really know what each other is thinking, and as long as you are playing this game, there's no way to find out. No-one wants to risk looking like a complete twat. The ones who have the courage to take that risk are impressive people.

So cool is anything but cool, it's complicated and confusing, and it can be fun, but it can also be hurtful. And it's almost as unavoidable as love. Cool has a purpose and a use, just try not to let it be in control.