Gaydar

Gaydar exists only for those who are willing to trust their instincts. I suppose that includes me then, but the real question is how often are my instincts right, and how often am I simply wishing?

The thing about me is, I'm always fooling myself into believing the guy I fancy might be gay. Being the eternal dreamer is the most frustrating aspect of my personality, when I return to Realist mode anyway. And if there's one thing that confuses me as a result, it's this: Could this cute guy be gay, even although he has a girlfriend?

I mean, in my white fluffy world, of course he's gay (and he also likes me - well why not?), but back in the real world all I need to do is apply some logic and I can come to exactly the same conclusion... scary. For example, sure this guy has a girlfriend but how many other gay guys started out by going out with girls? Either they haven't really realised they like guys, or they're covering. Loads of us have done that. So there we go, I've turned this straight guy gay, in my head at least. Now I officially have "He might be gay..." Syndrome.

I've got to admit though, it's the eye-contact that gets me every time, the circumstantial evidence that leaves me convinced. However, by the time I've floated out of dreamer mode and plumeted from realist to pesimist, a much more sensible explanation for the repeated eye contact (as opposed to the "He likes me" explanation) emerges. My lack of subtlety has made paranoid the object of my affection. Or maybe even intrigued him. Either way, every time I can't but help look in his direction, he's looking back, just to clarify in his head his own worst nightmare, or to boost his already bulging ego.

On the other hand, maybe the former, more simplistic explanation is the more likely? Who says the dreamer was wrong? Whoever said you should trust your head over your heart, logic over instinct?

But I'm still asking the questions, rather than answering them, so I pressume there's more to this gaydar thing than I've figured out. Maybe it only really gets me confused when there's a girlfriend on the scene, because otherwise there's a lot less questions.

So, a question for the mathematical geniouses but there: What's the probability of a guy with a girlfriend being gay? And a question for a wise old queen: How do you tell?

You know, when there seems to be millions of cute guys in the world? School, all of a sudden, holds some strange sense of appeal, and the prospect of work becomes ridiculously enlightening. You know who you want to see, and my god, you go out your way to see them. It's all kinda fun. Until you go home. And realise just how much you hate the thing, that is horniness.