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Topic: Does he like me/is he gay?
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A member has received an official warning for disrespectful behaviour in making his point on this thread. Please keep in mind that QA is a supportive site, and any advice you wish to give someone who's asked for it should be designed to help them, not berate them. |
Ok, there's this guy, Sean, in my school. He's in my homeroom and he's insanely hot. He's a bit jocky, but not a complete moron.
I can't tell whether or not he's gay and if so, whether or not he likes me. He talks to the cool girls a lot and talks about his 'girlfriend' (who I kinda doubt exists). But he also acts like he likes me a bit. He acts like a jerk to me often, but also considers me his friend. He laughs at almost every joke I make, whether or not it's funny. If I'm mean to him, he doesn't retaliate. Also, he gets really quiet and his entire mood changes when anyone calls him "fag" or "homo".
I want to find out whether or not he likes me WITHOUT having to come out to him or anyone else.
So what do you think? Is he gay? Does he like me? Feel free to ask for other information regarding this, I really want to know the answer.
Sincerely,
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Post: #78350  , Thu 5 Apr 07, 1:01AM |
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:: Colleen
:: QA10 Community Goddess | |
I feel for you; that kind of situation is always hard, and when you're in it, you can never judge it objectively. Been there. 
Judging by the information you've provided, I'd say it's a possibility. The thing that sticks out to me the most is the way he gets quiet when someone insults him with anti-gay names. I would take that as being a big sign that he's at least dealing with some sort of same-sex feelings. Otherwise, he'd probably just laugh and insult the other guy back. That's how I've always seen it go down, anyway.
Also, the fact that he laughs at your jokes and lets you be mean to him without retaliation could be a sign that he's interested in you. Most straight guys I've known don't do that with other guys; that's something I see them do more with girls they like. Please keep in mind that this is coming from a gay girl who's experience with straight, "cool" guys is limited to occasional observation.
What is your relationship with him like? I mean, do you ever hang out outside of class? Lunch, after school, or anything? If so, what do you do/talk about?
You might want to try finding out more about his "girlfriend." See if any of the other people he hangs around with have met her, or if she seems to be a phantom to everyone. If no one's seen her or talked to her, and he doesn't have any pictures or anything, that could suggest he's lying. That doesn't guarantee he's gay, but he's lying for a reason, and lumped in with other signs, it could be pointing in that direction.
I wish you luck. All of my experiences with this situation have turned out badly, so I hope yours is a success story!
"Oppression, I won't let you near me
Oppression, you shall learn to fear me
Yes you will."
-Ben Harper, "Oppression"
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Post: #78418 , Thu 5 Apr 07, 10:16AM |
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Why don't you invite him over to home. Then you guys can hang out then you could ask him and tell him it's just bewteen you two if he's gay or likes you, or you could just put the moves on him and find if he likes it.
YOu could also find out more about him, OR!
you could ask yourself, 'am I seeing way too much into this?', becaue I have before and it's really wasy to do.
-Good Luck DJ
"Right out of the cacoon I was born a butterfly...and butterflys dont work!"
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Post: #78429 , Thu 5 Apr 07, 2:32PM |
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Wow, you remind me of me and this one girl...she's sooo awesome, but I won't get into detail on that...xD So yeah, basically I'd say take Colleen's advice, and also maybe get to know him better? Like hang out more and stuff like that. That's what I'm doing with Ciara, but I can't tell with her yet. ^^; But hopefully you'll find out soon, yeah? ^_-
The name's Kimperton.
KIMPERLY KIMPERTON.
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Post: #78432 , Thu 5 Apr 07, 2:40PM |
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I feel for u mate, i am in a very simiar situation dunno if u saw my post, lol ummm well advice i was given was just to try and spend time alone wiv him maybe get to know him better, get him comfortable wiv u, maybe get him on a couch, put a film on and see i u can be affecionate, cuddle up and find out tht way or u cud just plain out and ask him, the balls in ur court and i hope u pull through good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Who survives? you decide, but who decides you survive?
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Post: #78435 , Thu 5 Apr 07, 2:47PM |
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ugh. same situation..i agree with the girls..try and get closer, ya know, as just friends hang out a little more see what he's into and stuff like that.
I on the other hand couldn't get closer to my friend becuase we're the best of friends already. and im way too scared to ask her or anything.
But try digging into it like you said, without actually coming out. good luck ;)
You do what you love, and fuck the rest.
-Little Miss Sunshine
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Edit: lovetolaugh, Thu 5 Apr 07, 6:44PM
Post: #78444 , Thu 5 Apr 07, 6:43PM |
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:: Eirra
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Yeah, I'd agree it is definetly is a possibility...
Another idea is ask him what he thinks of gay rights and stuff (you'd have to work it into the covnersation, and you should probably be one one one with him. That way he doesn't feel preasured to say whatever his other friends want him to say.) And, if you feel comfortable with it, let him know that you're for gay rights. Then, if he is gay, he might be more comfortable coming out to you...
Mark: (Muareen) dumped me.
Benny: Is there a guy?
Mark: No
Benny: What's his name?
Mark and Roger: Joanne.
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Post: #78479 , Thu 5 Apr 07, 10:17PM |
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Colleen: Yeah, just today he punched a friend of his for implying that he is gay. Not like a real fight or anything, but it definitely hurt.
Yeah, he also gets quieter and says "shut up" like he's trying to laugh when I make fun of him. I'm trying to stop doing that because if he does like me, he'll interpret it as me not liking him.
We talk in class and at lunch, that's really it. I go to a magnet school, so we live like 30-40 miles apart; getting together afterschool is hard to do casually.
I'll try to find out about her. He says he has a picture of her with him, I'll see if I can get him to show it to me.
Thanks, I hope so too.
DJ: I probably will invite him to my house. But if he isn't gay, and doesn't like me, then he'll probably tell his friends or something and I'll not only get outed, we won't be friends anymore either.
I'm afraid I am seeing too much into it. I've noticed that I have a lot of wishful thinking directed towards him. A lot of the evidence points towards him liking me and being gay, but I don't know if that's just because I want it to be true.
Aurin Lucerius: I have already said that we live quite a while away from each other. In three months, 8th grade ends. I will leave the school I'm in now, and go to a highschool that he is (almost definitely) not attending. That means that I won't see him again in school. There is a definite time limit on this.
Theo: Same thing I said to DJ, if he is gay and does like me, then theres no problem with that. But, on the other hand, if he really is just a straight jock who has some social awkward tendencies, then I'm screwed.
Steph <3: The problem with seeing what he's into is that we're into totally different stuff. I like scifi, he likes basketball. I don't know his opinions on a lot of stuff (he tends to deflect person questions with jokes), so I could try to get at that.
Emily: How could I possibly work gay rights into a conversiation with someone like him though? "Yeah, the lakers game was cool. Oh and by the way, what do you think of gay pride?". Wouldn't it seem a bit... well... GAY?
Thanks for all your advice, I appreciate it. I literally have no one but strangers to talk to about my innermost thoughts, which is a little weird if you think about it...
Sincerely,
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Post: #78493 , Fri 6 Apr 07, 12:02AM |
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As for working it into the convo...well if someone around you brings up something against gays or something (like the classic "that's gay" like an insult) you could say something to show you're not against gays. Maybe sort of let him know you're ok with that kinda thing, and he may open up more. ^_-
I know what you mean about the strangers thing. That's how it was for me too, but now that I've been here for a bit, and talked to a lot of people, QA feels like one big, spread out, gay family. xD Well, actually gay, lesbian, bi, trans, and straight family...but close enough. ^^;
The name's Kimperton.
KIMPERLY KIMPERTON.
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Post: #78496 , Fri 6 Apr 07, 12:09AM |
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Try working into the conversation like this...or something similar
"Yeah the Lakers game was cool. Didn't they play Utah last week. They got beat pretty bad. You don't even hear anything about Utah ever. Except for maybe that one former player of theirs who wrote that book about being gay in the NBA. Did you hear about that? What do you think?"
Obviously, there will probably never be a chance to have a conversation exactly like that (Utah would have to beat the Lakers the week before, etc) but, something like that. Casually place it in conversation.
Dyke tested, fag approved
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Post: #78498 , Fri 6 Apr 07, 12:12AM |
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:: Colleen
:: QA10 Community Goddess | |
Sounds like your situation is difficult, considering how far apart you live and your impending separation of schools. Still, it's not impossible. Do try to get together with him outside of school. Maybe go to a sporting event he wants to attend, or something simple like that.
There is always the chance that you're reading too much into it, but from my objective point of view, I'd say there's also a decent chance he might like you. At this point, it's almost hopeless for you to try to judge that. You're too close to it. That's why you've asked us, and most of us seem to think the possibility exists. You're just going to have to see him more.
As far as working something into a conversation, you could always try to go to a movie that has a gay character. That could be a springboard. Or even just hang out at one of your houses and conveniently watch a TV show with some minor gay subplot; definitely don't pick something that's focused on a gay person/couple, because that would be too obvious, but a minor character might let you make some sort of comment to show him support without outing yourself. Could work.
Good luck!
"Oppression, I won't let you near me
Oppression, you shall learn to fear me
Yes you will."
-Ben Harper, "Oppression"
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Post: #78528 , Fri 6 Apr 07, 5:23AM |
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i really dont know what to make of it. so my advice will probably not be beneficial. more then anything i would love for every hawt guy i see to be gay. but they are usually not. from when his mood changes; he's either against the idea of being called gay in turn might not be accepting of gays in general or he's struggling to be more confident about being gay and doesnt like "faggot"/gay being used in a negative connotation ("faggot" is already a negative word so that was poorly written sentence) so that might not be cold hard evidence of him being gay, could swing either way. i see a little contradiction in what you said "he acts like a jerk to me often" and then "if I'm mean to him, he doesn't retaliate", but he already being a jerk? correct me. he sounds like a nice person but i dont think he is gay, it might be theres not enough description to represent the whole situation. so like i said take my advice like a grain of salt. but don't risk coming out to him in hopes of him being gay if:
A. your not ready to come out.
and
B. he might not accept it and maybe tell everyone.
But if you can get some information on what he thinks of gays rights or anything else that might change the situation.
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Edit: imaculious, Sat 7 Apr 07, 6:28AM
Post: #78599 , Sat 7 Apr 07, 6:24AM |
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Oh my god! Sweet! I am so freaking happy right now. He slept over my house last night. That was literally the best day of my life. I didn't find out whether or not he's gay, but I did lay the groundwork for possible future coming-outness. There's a friend of mine who, while claims he's straight, is obviously in the closet. He hasn't told anyone really, but it's obvious. He's pretty cool though, popular among the cool girls (that's always weird to me...). He came up in conversation and I said the most perfect thing to Sean. I said, "Yeah, he's probably gay but I don't really care. He's cool either way. As long as he doesn't act all prissy and stuff, it's alright." I didn't say that I'm gay, and I didn't ask him whether or not he was, but I let him know that I'm perfectly ok with it.
Ok, and some of you'll find this a little creepy, but we slept in the same room (he slept on my rollout couch). And I got up in the middle of the night. I glanced over at him and I couldn't help but kneel onto the cushion and just admire his body for a while. He almost woke up with me right there, I was so god damn scared.
He's actually kinda smart, I've found. It's probably wishful thinking, but he made some pretty witty jokes during the day. At one point he told me he wanted to be a mechanical engineer when he grew up, I found that impressive for a jock.
Oh, and another cool thing. We were sitting watching TV. I was lying on my bed and he was sitting in a comftorable swivel chair. Just by chance, I didn't try to make it happen or anything, I doubt he did either, our legs toutched. We were both wearing shorts, so it was obvious what out legs were against; you could feel the body warmth. I acted like nothing was wrong, and SO DID HE! He obviously felt it, because he looked down when it happened a little, but he made no attempt to move away, like a straight guy would.
He definitely gets upset now when people call him gay. If you've ever seen the movie "Remember the Titans" theres this football player in it nicknamed "Sunshine" because he has long, dirty blonde hair. That character kisses another guy during the movie. People call Sean "Sunshine" because he has similar hair, and he plays football. He obviously gets upset from the term. He goes kinda quiet and he gives a pretty cold, evil stare to the person who called him that.
God! I just can't get over him he's so freaking hot and cute and smart and funny and just AWSOME!
If you have any advice or things to work into the conversation, please post them. He might be coming over either next weekend or the one after that.
Sincerely,
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Post: #83579 , Mon 21 May 07, 12:15AM |
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IDEA!!!
What if the 2 of you sat down and watched "Remember the Titans"?? You could watch the whole thing through the homosexual part and see his reaction towards it. That's what I would do anyway.
Watch some kind of movie that has like, 1 homosexual scene and see what he does towards it. That could give you a GOOD hint to whether he is gay or not. But don't stick in RENT or Brokeback Mountain or anything like that. HAHA!
Maybe you will think about giving that a try?
-Matt
InLoveWithURLove
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Post: #83590 , Mon 21 May 07, 1:26AM |
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Remeber the Titans is a REALLY boring movie to me, I can't stand sports movies, nor inspirational disney movies. But yeah, I could probably find a movie with like 1 gay scene or a gay underplot, and see what he does. although there is a flaw in that; if he's gay, he may still act like it's uncool because either he's still uncomftorable with his own sexuality, or because he's scared that if I'm straight, I'll think he's weird for not making fun of it.
Sincerely,
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Post: #83738 , Mon 21 May 07, 10:29PM |
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I say give it a shot. Your not losing anything by doing it. Besides, you could always just ease it into a conversation (like above) as a back-up. lol. You could also use the movie as a reference to easing it in the conversation.
InLoveWithURLove
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Post: #83742 , Mon 21 May 07, 10:35PM |
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:: Mylove...
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Im going thru the same thing...I would do as suggested above...walk with him/take him to your house and ask him if hes gay. But just dont jump at him w/o finding about his "girlfriend". Wishing you the best of luck!
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Post: #83925 , Wed 23 May 07, 1:08AM |
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GOD DAMN BLOODY HELL! I had the best last period of the day with him. OH MY GOD!
Ok. So the last period of the day consists of pretty much sitting around, pretending to either do the work the teacher hands out or work from another class. In my homeroom, there are 3 pretty good friends that I hang out with. Joe was off taking a test he'd missed in another class, and Richie was getting "help" with "spanish" from his girlfriend (that guy is by far the straightest guy I've ever met. Usually I'd find that hot, but he's fat and pretty ugly). Sean is the other friend. So it was just us two hanging out, talking and pretending to do work on my laptop (each kid in our school is given one for the year).
Let me see if I can remember all the things that pointed to him being gay. For one, he said that his Mom keeps calling him gay. He said that his Uncle is gay, and that his Mom is afraid that he will be too. That really made me feel bad for him. I mean, if he really is gay, and his Mom is a homophobe, that sucks. I said "That's a really b****y thing for a parent to say. If the kid really is gay, then they're gonna feel like s***." I was proud of myself for that comment; a straight guy would interpret it at face value, but a gay guy would interpret it as "I know what you're going through, it's ok".
Secondly, while he was talking to me about something or other, I turned and looked directly into his eyes. Since we were less than a foot away from each other (his desk was right next to mine) it was pretty intense. He instantly changed the manner in which he spoke. He became VERY tounge-tied (cliches bother me, I hate that word). It was possibly the cutest thing he had ever done.
Our knees touched again, and again he did nothing. He started to move away (probably a reflex) but came back in less than a second.
He said that he wants to come back again this weekend. I said that my parents would find it a bit weird; 24 hours last weekend, and then more the next. A bit long for a sleepover. Then he said something that made my want to give him some kind of warm gesture (hug, kiss, etc...) He said that when he got home he was really bored. He wanted to come right back. He realized what the implication of that was and right away tried to cover it with, "It's like, 'Mom, can I go sleep over another house now?'" implying that he didn't just want to come back to my house.
So what do you think? The evidence appears to be piling up.
Sincerely,
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Post: #84032 , Wed 23 May 07, 9:31PM |
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Fucking come out to him. Straight up.
The mere impulse of appetite is slavery, while obedience to the law we prescribe to ourselves is liberty. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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Post: #84045 , Wed 23 May 07, 11:02PM |
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...Wait, there's a gay scene in Remember the Titans? No way! Hot blondes what-now?!
Oh... hehe, oops. Yeah! You! Yourself, I mean
This is an insanely adorable story. Seriously, my favorite kind to read. Just cute, cute, cute XD Keep kindling the fire like you are, at that level. If he is interested (or wants to come-out or anything), he'll make the next mistake. You just have to keep providing the forum for it.
*squeals uncharacteristically* I love the one-foot-away-staring part of your story... do you mind if I use that in fiction? It made me shiver. In a good way.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
In Soviet Russia
Poem write you
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Post: #84046 , Wed 23 May 07, 11:08PM |
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