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Topic: When gay people marry straight people
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Okay, so I found this letter online: http://www.joshweed.com/2012/0...out-of.html?m=1
that totally ruined my day.
Pretty much, it's about this gay guy who is married to a woman. And I would've been cool with that, except he's religious, and it sounds like he's pretty happy with his life, but he's married to a woman because he believes you need to be to raise a good family, and because that's the "right" kind of marriage. If I'm explaining it correctly.
So what do you guys think of this situation? And what do you think about gay people marrying straight people in general? (See, I'd get it if they just so happened to fall in love with a straight person, but I don't know about otherwise.)
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Post: #676119  , Mon 20 Aug 12, 5:37PM |
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I find it the oddest concept ever... at the moment as it stands I could not imagine myself marrying a guy or having kids with a guy because as of yet I havent been able to feel for a guy like I have for a girl.
It seems from his post though that he's in love with the girl but technically he never used the phrase in love just that he loved her.
He's happy married to a women but he's gay? I mean I don't even know If I'm gay but I couldn't see myself marrying a guy happily any time soon. He knows he's only attracted to guys? I don't even know and I'd find it difficult...:L
I also can't believe she's okay with it. It's like me marrying a straight girl who's told me she's straight and still wants to marry me for whatever reason. I'd just feel like they could never like me like I like them and that would eat away at me surely xD
I can't get my head around it xD but I guess I can't understand everything can I :')
"The Key to happiness is having amazing people to share it with"
<3WeShotTheMoon,ImagineDragons,Bastille,ArtistVSPoet,TheFray,MarianasTrench,Thrivory.<3
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Post: #676122 , Mon 20 Aug 12, 6:03PM |
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:: TealSkye
:: QA7 Taking responsibility | |
Well, he's right about one thing, sex can be strictly intimate in nature, and still achieve orgasm, but...
There's no denying, he entered the relationship in an attempt to avoid a homosexual one. I'm sure if he was straight, that's still who'd he go for, and I don't doubt he loves her from the deepest of levels. But that joining was entered with a fear of being ostracized for his queer chem.
I hope he truly is happy. I must say, on some level I'm saddened. If he wasn't of such beliefs, he'd be with someone he both loved, and was attracted to. To each his own though. If he does love her, and he is happy, then prosper forward my fellow homo. 
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Post: #676126 , Mon 20 Aug 12, 7:15PM |
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if that's what he wants to do then I'm not here to judge him.
I wouldn't do it, but it's a personal choice.
it will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end yet.
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Post: #676156 , Mon 20 Aug 12, 10:26PM |
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I think that he should do whatever makes him happy. I didn't really like the whole thing about him saying that he thinks it's wrong for men to marry men and women to marry women, but I'm not gonna get mad at the guy for marrying a woman. He can make his own decisions. Like he said, if you're gay, you're going to have to sacrifice something and he chose to sacrifice a relationship with a man for his religion and biological children. That's not what I would choose personally, but whatever floats your boat.
The only concern I really have about this article is that a bunch of religious nuts will see it and start expecting every gay person to do this. I think some people won't understand that not every gay person can live a happy life with someone of the opposite gender and it could just end up resulting in more discrimination. But other than that, I have no real problem with him being married to a woman. It's a little odd, sure, but, like I said, whatever makes him happiest.
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Post: #676173 , Tue 21 Aug 12, 12:47AM |
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I think it's pretty cool. It seems like everyone is happy in this situation, he isn't lying to her, so more power to them.
"Look at all of the little lesbians
frolicking in the snow!" ~Koda
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Post: #676190 , Tue 21 Aug 12, 2:19AM |
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Ha! I couldn't do that  . Yeah no that wouldn't work for me. No offence but straight people are kinda overrated . I like the queer folk much better . If he's happy then great but I'd never be able to do that.
To see us dance is to hear our hearts speak- Hopi Indian saying
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Post: #678252 , Sat 1 Sep 12, 12:48AM |
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I dunno how that would work. I know for a fact that when I get older I'll have to marry a man. I'm bi you see.
For some people it's easier marrying someone who you aren't actually in love with (in this case even homosexual) than admitting you're gay and being in a civil union.
I can understand this concept if you're bi. You can be married to a man (woman's point of view here, sorry guys;) ) but fancy a girl outside of the marriage.
From my background, that's just what I've always thought. I can date girls, make out and have sex with them too but never marry. Quite upsetting and I don't have this opinion. I say, marry whoever you love but in some people's backgrounds it might not be as simple as that.
As for his religion, wtf? That's not good, that's really hard and sad. But then again, he says he's content soooo...
You may laugh at me for being different but I laugh at you because you are all the same <3
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Post: #678290 , Sat 1 Sep 12, 3:50AM |
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:: al96
:: QA8 High Householder | |
When I said on a different thread that I had the same decision in mind, I was showered with negative comments. Mostly about me not being happy in my marriage.
So I'd like to thank you for sharing this first, it really made my day.
@Skye
Why the negativity? "entering a relationship from fear", that sounded so depressing. Of course, you could look at any situation from a very critical perspective and turn it into an awfully sad story.
But fear isn't the reason. People stay single from fear of relationships (be it straight or gay ones), he simply wanted to have a normal marriage. He wanted this relationship, he loved the girl obviously (despite not being attracted to her), and well, he wanted to raise a family with her. And most importantly, he's happy.
And it also depends on your priorities. Maybe sexual attraction to him, like me, is really not important at all (at one point he said that it's nice in the first few years but when it fades away, in many cases, so does the relationship. I believe that too). To some people (believe it or not ), sex does not equal happiness (though he seems very happy with his sex life! That sort of surprised me, and it raised my hopes up even more)
I think he was brave to take the decisions he did, to give up sexual pleasure for a bunch of greater goals in life, this guy's officially my new hero.
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Post: #678336 , Sat 1 Sep 12, 7:04PM |
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To say nothing of how I feel about this whole situation, I think that if we're extending the meaning of words like "gay" and "homosexual" to include men who are married to and enjoy having sex with women, then the terms have lost all meaning. It's not a criticism of his choices, it's just a linguistic fact.
our home which defines
us is elsewhere but not
so far away we have
forgotten it:
this is just a place.
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Edit: Joe5150, Sat 1 Sep 12, 7:38PM
Post: #678339 , Sat 1 Sep 12, 7:37PM |
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Ali's right, guys.
I'm 'gay' (for want of a better word) and I intend to marry a woman one day. I've always wanted a family and kids of my own, and it's just...easier. I don't know how else to describe it, really. It's all just a lot less hassle.
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Post: #678370 , Sun 2 Sep 12, 12:49AM |
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The idea is that hopefully at some point in the not-too-distant future it won't be a hassle, though.
our home which defines
us is elsewhere but not
so far away we have
forgotten it:
this is just a place.
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Post: #678372 , Sun 2 Sep 12, 12:57AM |
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Yeah I know.
I dunno, I just can't be arsed with the whole business. Maybe I'll marry a gay girl who I'm close friends with but don't love, and we will have an open relationship- a public face and a private one, as it were.
Or maybe I've just been 'in' for too many years and it's got nigh on impossible to bite the bullet.
I'm being negative tonight, sorry.
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Post: #678373 , Sun 2 Sep 12, 12:59AM |
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Well I understand, but it's hard for me to separate the idea of gay men and women marrying opposite sex partners from the old practice of lavender marriages. It just seems counter to all the work that LGBT people have done in the last fifty years or so, so that they can marry who they want rather than who's practical or acceptable.
our home which defines
us is elsewhere but not
so far away we have
forgotten it:
this is just a place.
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Post: #678379 , Sun 2 Sep 12, 1:24AM |
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:: al96
:: QA8 High Householder | |
You said it, so they could marry who they want - obviously not all gay men wish to marry another man. For me, having a boyfriend for a while would be nice (though unlikely), but marriage is just a different concept.
I want to comment on what you said regarding the meaning of the word gay. He doesn't enjoy sex with women, he only enjoys sex with his wife, and if I understood him right, he enjoys it in a non- sexual manner?
I don't understand what he means either, and I don't know if it's possible to enjoy sex for its mere "intimacy" ( I wouldn't know though, I've never had sex), but if it's possible then he's still as gay as any of us on here.
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Post: #678406 , Sun 2 Sep 12, 6:16AM |
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I respect the possibility, I just think it's a really complicated way of going about with your life. If he's happy then I can't fault him for it but I can't really see this working for most people.
our home which defines
us is elsewhere but not
so far away we have
forgotten it:
this is just a place.
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Post: #678407 , Sun 2 Sep 12, 6:34AM |
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:: Lynn
:: QA10 Community Goddess | |
I still can't get over how awkward the sex must be... Just saying...
Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Love is the poetry of the senses. ~Honoré de Balzac
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Post: #678411 , Sun 2 Sep 12, 7:25AM |
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:: TealSkye
:: QA7 Taking responsibility | |
@ Ali
"But that joining was entered with a fear of being ostracized for his queer chem. "
^ Is what I said.
I stand by that, and he in so many words, lightly implicates his less than encouraging thoughts of homosexuality. To each his own. ^_^
I'm still happy for him, and I'm happy that he's happy, but he admits he feels a man and a woman are better for a kid... that statement in itself is generated from fear.
"he simply wanted to have a normal marriage."
That to me is what makes this slightly sad. He prioritized normality over a more sexually appetizing queer relationship, that could have all the same love potentially as well. Love is more than sex, but my point is his reasoning.
In any case, I thought I was pretty clear that I was happy he was happy, and that was what mattered most to me. I opened my post saying he was right to say that sex is deeper than attraction, meaning I agree that he probably is enjoying sex in a different way, and I'm glad that's good enough for him.
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Post: #678753 , Mon 3 Sep 12, 11:50PM |
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:: al96
:: QA8 High Householder | |
I agree with you on that, but still, why "fear"? Why can't it at least be out of commitment to religion? That actually seems more like the case.
I didn't mean that he wanted normality. I meant a
traditional marriage, which I happen to consider normal (for me, a marriage is still between a man and a woman. I won't argue that here...)
But since we're talking about normality. Why does it seem that there's a "gay norm" now? Why does a gay man have to marry a man? And why does a gay man have to prioritize a more sexually appetizing relationship over one that would allow him to stay committed to his religion, and most importantly makes him happy?
I know you said you're happy for him, but when you interpret his actions that way, well, it sounds very discouraging. All I'm saying is why the negativity? The "LGBT cause" is all about doing what makes you happy. And you'd figure that after ten years and 3 children, this marriage truly makes this guy happy.
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Post: #678779 , Tue 4 Sep 12, 2:39AM |
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I don't think he can justify this by saying it's him being committed to his religion. Why?
Because there are gay Mormons.
He could have used his sexuality as a challenge to reevaluate his religion, become more open to different beliefs, and more accepting of other people that his religion might hate on. (If people are gay for a reason, wouldn't those be pretty good ones?)
A gay man doesn't have to marry a man. But...given our society, if he doesn't, people think he's denying his sexuality. I mean, yes, he could randomly fall in love with ONE WOMAN, but a gay man in that situation would be honest and vocal about that being the case, and adamant about the fact that he's still mostly gay.
What he does is his business, and if he's happpy, that's great. The negativity comes from (for me) the certainty that he could be happier if he were allowing himself to be with a man.
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Post: #678782 , Tue 4 Sep 12, 3:11AM |
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