Dreams...They can be a powerful thing. They can draw you in and keep you. They can send you through a world full of pleasure, or pure unparalelled horror.
Some people believe that dreams are a gateway to other demensions or worlds. As others believe, they are just a way that your mind entertains itself while we sleep.
But many years ago i came to understand what dreams really were.
What true power they held.
And now as you read this, I will give you a one way ticket into the depths of my mind that you cannot wish to return from until i finish my tale .
If you choose to delve into the pits of darkness that encompass my dreams,Then by all means continue reading.
CHAPTER:1
THE AWAKENING
"GREG.......GREG!" He could hear his best friend yelling at him from outside "IT'S 12 O CLOCK!!.....GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUTTA BED MAN!!" Then he heard Tom laugh..Greg stretched his arms out and raised slowly into an almost upright position. He scratched his head roughly and stood up. He had slept in his jeans and t-shirt again which were getting increasingly more wrinkled by the day. He opened his window and yelled down "CANT YOU LET A GUY FUCKIN'
SLEEP WHEN HE WANTS?" Tom shot him his usual toothy grin behind twin skywards middle fingers "FUCK YOU AND WHATEVER CRAZY CREATURE
YOU CAME HERE ON!!" tom shouted and added, "AND PUT ON SOME OTHER CLOTHES YOU DIRTY JEW" Normally someone who said things like that to him would've got them a one way ticket to pain land. But for he and tom who were both jewish, it all boiled down to two best friends, being best friends. Greg
then rushed downstairs to greet his friend. He came outside smiling Tom came up to him and punched him playfully on the chest ."Ow dumbass that fuckin'hurt."
Said Greg ' Then Tom said, "Thats what you get for wearing those same clothes dipshit." then tom started toward the street at a dead run with Greg running full shot after him, He hadnt seen the 89 Buick towncar turn the curve right at that moment . Greg yelled "TOM WATCH OUT!" but it was a moment too late...
The big buick barreled him over like a ragdoll, He flew 10 feet and crashed to the ground in a roadside gutter. The buick squealed to a halt a couple of feet farther on, and an old bearded man in a waistcoat got out. "Oh my God, I did'nt even see him!" said the old man as he knealt in front of gregs best friend laying in the gutter in the side of the road.. then, everything went black. Greg woke up screaming again ,the fourth time this week in fact. Greg had been having that same recurring dream for the past 7 years ,every night. He heard footsteps coming up the stairs"What Lola?"he said, "I was just coming to check on you." she said "the dream again?" Greg knew she only had to look in his eyes to tell, but she always asked him to be sure. She had been Greg's rock for the past 4 years , he could'nt really see how he lived without her for so long. "I'm fine baby , No use worriying about me today, because today is your birthday!"said Greg with a big grin. He got out of bed, kissed her cheek, and they walked to the kitchen hand in hand.
_____________________________________________________
Do me a favor, Tell me if you like it if you do
and be gentle this is my first draft
I'm actually a try-sexual as in i will try anything once
;)
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Post: #675682  , Sat 18 Aug 12, 11:49AM |
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I like the premise. I have a few pointers but there's nothing really wrong with this piece. Fist, a little bit of psychology. Readers don't actually read all the words. Most people skip over words like "an" and "the". Unfortunately, said is among those words. For example, when Lola enters you didn't need the "she said" because there are only two characters in the scene. Another example of this is "Greg said. Then Tom said." It makes the piece feel a little rough around the edges.
I also might suggest changing it to first person rather than third. Purely because you're writing about dreams and feelings which are personal. The scenes with Tom and Lola are clearly quite (for lack of a better word) intimate.
Sorry if this all sounds a little harsh. I really liked what you wrote.
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Post: #675689 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 1:50PM |
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oh no no no constructive criticism is my bread and butter lol. as i said though first draft will work more on it ill post more later
I'm actually a try-sexual as in i will try anything once
;)
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Post: #675701 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 2:37PM |
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I'll look forward to it then 
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Post: #675710 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 4:07PM |
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Yes, doors often lead to nowhere..try the window next time.
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Post: #675727 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 6:03PM |
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Unless the window is four floors up, then trying the window might not be such a good idea 
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Post: #675734 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 6:34PM |
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LOL
I'm actually a try-sexual as in i will try anything once
;)
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Post: #675859 , Sun 19 Aug 12, 8:30AM |
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Three's A Crowd... or is it?
Oh no, I procrastinated again! (Rant Warning)
Lily Helena Knight
Things that grow
Just so.
My new life
Trip to the zoo!
