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Topic: How to come out?
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So I've been thinking about properly 'coming out' as bisexual for a while now, but the thing is I don't want to make a big deal out of it and I kind of feel squeamish about my parents knowing anything about the kind of people I'm attracted to. I've never heard their opinion on queer people either.
Also, there is nobody in my year group at school, maybe even no one in my entire school who's 'out' and my school has a generally anti-gay policy despite a lot of the teachers being accepting.
So basically I was wondering if anyone had any advice or stories to share about how they did it?
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Edit: FionaChurch, Sat 18 Aug 12, 3:14AM
Post: #675607  , Sat 18 Aug 12, 2:53AM |
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Ehhh coming out isn't all that glorious. I know that's like the light at the end of the tunnel for closeted people but honestly, it has a harsh price to pay.
I lived in a crummy Texan suburban and when I came out everyone was nice to my face but I lost all my friends. I started to get so lonely and frankly, suicidal, that my mom moved me out of the city to start fresh, where people didn't know I was bi. Now I'm so much happier! Coming out is like starting a political debate on facebook. It causes a lot of drama, especially like you said, in a mostly anti-gay school.
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Post: #675614 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 3:11AM |
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I don't have any advice to give, since I haven't done it (and may not need to...?), but I can help you with figuring out how people feel about it. I wanted to know what my brother thought about homosexuality--because I'm pretty sure my parents won't be accepting--so I casually brought up the topic of gay marriage. I asked him if he thought it was okay, since we're part of a religious family. His response is how I knew.
So maybe bring up a gay actor or actress. Talk about Anderson Cooper coming out. Take about marriage equality. Find an article in a newspaper, bring it to their attention. Or that article that's going around online, a father's letter to a hypothetical gay son. (Though that is, admittedly, less subtle.) Then, before you tell your parents anything, you can know a little bit of what to expect.
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Post: #675617 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 3:18AM |
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Thanks for the advice Brianna, I've kind of done something similar to that already but I didn't really understand what their reaction meant?
In New Zealand there has recently been stuff about giving gays the right to marry instead of just civil union, there was a piece about it in the news one night and my dad just changed the channel. When I asked him to change it back he asked why and gave me a look like I was some kind of weirdo! I said I was interested and he did turn it back, but then he just stayed silent for ages which is really unusual.
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Post: #675618 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 3:22AM |
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I came out slowly. Hinting at it first and then finally actually saying it. I found it easier at first to say "I identify as bisexual" rather than "I am bisexual." I don't know why, but it felt more comfortable.
Luckily, everyone was very accepting and it wasn't a big deal at all.
Dixi.
Oi! Follow me on tumblr because I'm amazing: http://mynameisnotfreyja.tumblr.com/
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Post: #675625 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 3:46AM |
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What do people think about coming out subtly by simply changing my interests on facebook or similar?
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Post: #675630 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 4:23AM |
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Bad idea.
For one, this is the kind of thing best done in person, to only certain people.
For another, you don't know if everyone will see that. It's like when you change your relationship status on facebook. Suddenly everyone knows.
Then again, I have liked a ton of gay pages on Facebook. But it wouldn't occur to anyone that I might be gay...I've left the "About You" page blank though, and, if I were you, I'd do the same. You never know who will look at that hoping to find your birthday.
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Post: #675634 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 4:48AM |
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I wouldn't go with facebook personally, just because everyone can see it. I come from an anti-gay town and know what it's like to want to be open about it but at the same time really unsure of peoples reactions. I've waited till university till being open about it but I did tell friends and family. Only after I found out that they were ok with it did I tell them. With an anti-gay school, I'd probably stick with friends and slowly go from there. 
I never retreat, I advance in a different direction.
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Post: #675635 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 4:53AM |
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I'm not so subtle about my sexuality in real life, but often I give my new friends (who may or may not know) my social media info, which has my sexuality clearly listed. I'm not sure that's the same thing, though.
Dixi.
Oi! Follow me on tumblr because I'm amazing: http://mynameisnotfreyja.tumblr.com/
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Post: #675637 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 4:53AM |
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I say things all the time that might make people think I was gay, if they really put some thought into it. (When talking about the future and marriage, I'll stay gender neutral, or I'll make jokes about getting with a girl, etc.)
But that's definitely not the same thing as all the facebook stuff.
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Post: #675638 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 4:56AM |
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But it is a more casual way to come out, if you don't want it to be a big deal.
Dixi.
Oi! Follow me on tumblr because I'm amazing: http://mynameisnotfreyja.tumblr.com/
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Post: #675640 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 5:01AM |
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Ok, so I've decided that I'm going to 'come out' on facebook through changing my interests- but I've blocked all family members from seeing it. I talked it all over with a friend. Thanks for all the advice! Wish me luck?
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Edit: FionaChurch, Sat 18 Aug 12, 5:15AM
Post: #675641 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 5:14AM |
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Good luck, Jordan. I wish you all the best.
Dixi.
Oi! Follow me on tumblr because I'm amazing: http://mynameisnotfreyja.tumblr.com/
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Post: #675643 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 5:17AM |
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Sounds like you've got a plan . I sort of prefer to come out in person to people but this is a nice way to do it too. It's not like you're "flaunting it" if you just change your interests .
To see us dance is to hear our hearts speak- Hopi Indian saying
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Post: #675699 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 2:31PM |
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Let me just add that this might not be very effective.
As I've said before, my interests include a lot of gay things on facebook. (Thanks to this topic though, I decide to block all that from people who just don't need to know that...) Nobody has noticed. I mean, I didn't do it so people would notice, I just liked those pages. Either way, nobody has.
I'm not saying that it's a bad idea...but if you come out this way, you might find that you'll have to come out again off line.
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Post: #675772 , Sat 18 Aug 12, 10:09PM |
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for me, coming out at first was SO nerve racking but usually pretty anti climactic  i was always expecting some big event or reaction to whoever i was telling but most of the time people were like "ok! wanna grab lunch?" like it was no big deal! which actually may be my favorite reaction. but now its so nonchalant coming out to people.. like "oh yeah i like boys" haha!
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Post: #675980 , Mon 20 Aug 12, 2:18AM |
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I've considered coming out on Facebook or something... but I'm too chicken for that, especially because I don't feel like EVERYONE needs to know. In person, the way I want to come out is just to casually drop it into a conversation when it fits. That may be a good way to go, because if you're acting casual about it, hopefully their reaction will be more casual as well.
I've technically come out to two of my friends like that, but I'm not sure if they realized that was me coming out to them. For all I know, they still think I'm straight, or maybe bi or whatever. That was in April and it hasn't been brought up since, so I dunno if it worked. Best of luck though , I hope everything goes well for you.
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Post: #676053 , Mon 20 Aug 12, 7:34AM |
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My friends made me drunk one night and forced me to come out. But it was great from then on. At least now I have some one I can talk to about my feelings. =)
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Post: #676746 , Thu 23 Aug 12, 2:24PM |
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Coming out over facebook is impersonal, and too public. It's a bad idea. Period.
If I were your family or friend, I would be extremely offended that you didn't care about me enough to tell me personally.
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Post: #676866 , Fri 24 Aug 12, 3:12AM |
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