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Topic: The Difference Between Friendship and Attraction
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Okay.
So, I'm "questioning," right?
I have been for a few arduous months. And I think part of the problem is that I can't tell the difference between friendship and attraction. Seriously. What is the difference?
For example, I'll give you a scenario. Somebody walks into your class and sits next to you. You strike up a converstaion with them. Hey, they're cool. You do this day after day. How would this scenario be different if you were just friends versus starting to feel attracted to them? How would you feel?
Or feel free to explain the difference minus this scenario, whatever floats your boat.
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Post: #674850  , Tue 14 Aug 12, 4:50PM |
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Hm.
With friends, as you get closer to them they start to feel more and more like a member of your family, whereas with someone you're attracted to there are the obvious feelings involved. For me, when I'm crushing on a girl, I get kinda jealous if she goes to talk to someone other than I and I find myself wishing I can be with her all the time. With someone I'm not attracted to, I enjoy their company but I don't mind if they talk about someone they have a crush on or whatever.
Kinda confusing, but I tried.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually...who are you not to be?" -Marianne Williamson
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Post: #674856 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 5:11PM |
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:: TealSkye
:: QA7 Taking responsibility | |
Well your still friends. That doesn't change. All Attraction truly does is suggest to our biological impulses the probability of a romantic joining, hohoho...
I'm attracted to most of my friends. I'm a perv. What's new. They've given some mutual sentiments, and while we can't get drunk around each other (cause we're underage and all  ), we all agree there is nothing there for each other romantically. Should it change, well there is the difference. Romantic endeavoring.
In short, there does not have to be a difference with those variables. You can very much be attracted, and stay in a friendship simultaneously. It's your interest in wishing to pursue a relationship that switches things.
hope that helps ^_^
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Post: #674858 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 5:15PM |
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I can't say how it would be for everyone else, but for me, well... friendship means I get comfortable around a person and the feelings I develop for them are of a more mellow variety, more like family than anything else.
If I'm attracted to a person then (aside from the more obvious physical stuff) I'll get nervous around them, babble on, find myself caring quite a bit about what they think, paying more attention to how they speak and act, all that kind of stuff.
That kind of thing, really.
I'm a ratfish trying to practice doing back flips on your mattress.
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Post: #674860 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 5:17PM |
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To me, friends are people you get along with and talk to often. Friends are there for you when you need them and you're there for them. You go out and do stuff together and have fun, and you help each other out in difficult situations, but it doesn't really go past that. In my opinion, what you described is a friend.
By "attracted to" I'm assuming you mean "love" because you can be attracted to someone that you don't love, you can even be attracted to a friend. Someone who you love is someone you have strong feelings of affection for. They make you get butterflies in your stomach and you want to share the rest of your life with them. When they aren't with you, it's like a piece of you is missing. Love is passionate and unconditional.
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~Kylie Minogue
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Edit: Embraceurself, Tue 14 Aug 12, 5:21PM
Post: #674861 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 5:19PM |
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Friendship comes from the head. Mental and emotional attraction comes from the heart. Physical attraction comes from the genitals. It's that simple.
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Post: #674863 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 5:22PM |
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@Paul That is the best explanation!
Personally, whenever I meet anyone new and interesting I get a five year old mind set where I want them to be my friend that instant, THEN the fuzzy feelings in my chest/bajingo start happening. Sometimes attraction takes time!
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Post: #674896 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 7:38PM |
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This was a big problem for me for awhile except I didn't realize it until after the fact. I've only ever been attracted to one of my boyfriends (and since it felt different than all the other times, I mistook it for love)
Now to figure out if I'm attracted to someone or I just want to be friends with them, I usually just ask myself "Would I sleep with them?" If I had asked myself this about all my boyfriends in the past (except the one I mentioned) the answer would have been no.
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Post: #674897 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 7:42PM |
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Thank you Ciara 
There is a joke about Jewish logic.
Moses said that everything comes from the Heavens.
Solomon said that everything comes from your head.
Jesus said that everything comes from your heart.
Marx said that everything comes from your stomach.
Freud said that everything comes from your genitals.
And Einstein said that everything is relative.
Take it as you will. Some non-Jews can't appreciate that joke...I don't know. I find it funny.
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Post: #674900 , Tue 14 Aug 12, 7:53PM |
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I get you.i've had too many straight crushes,so weirdly the difference has become more apparent--friends are like family,while the person u're attracted to feels more like a part of you.u feel sort of jealous when he/she has fun with someone other than you;)
Sometimes it takes time for the realization to sink in,though I'd say to enjoy and act on your heart while the feelings are still platonic(or before u become too self-conscious)--
I dun know,I'm probably way too pessimistic.Hope I am;)
Anyways,GOOD LUCK))
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Post: #675055 , Wed 15 Aug 12, 1:03PM |
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Well it depends what you mean with "attracted to".
When you're attracted to someone, you might just want to hold them tight, and feel them close.
I also tend to get slightly jealous if the person i'm attracted to goes and talk to other people <.<
But i think there is a difference between “attraction”, and “being in love”.. love is more.. directly wanting to be in a relationship with, and think about a little to much?
There are a lot of bisexual people in my group of friends, and we recently found out that a lot of us has been, or are, attracted to each other.
But when you're attracted to someone, you just feel it..
You obviously can't be attracted to all your friends, but there might be someone you might feel a little different about..
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Post: #675078 , Wed 15 Aug 12, 4:17PM |
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there are two different kinds of love, the love that is the 'relationship love' that you feel an urge to possibly have sexual relations with a person or become in a relationship, you find yourself doing things that you would do with a 'crush' whereas the other love (platonic love) involves no sexual feelings for someone, but still an uncontrollable love for somebody, you see them as a brother/sister, part of your family... part of you, someone you can tell anything to . Friendship is very different to Attraction, sometimes they overlap sometimes they dont!
Interviewer: According to you, the girls run the world - but what do you think about the girls and the gays teaming up and running the world together?
Beyoncé: Well, that's what I meant when I said girls. (Laughs)
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Post: #675104 , Wed 15 Aug 12, 7:09PM |
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Well when I'm attracted to someone here's what I want to do to them:
1) Kiss them
2) Cuddle them
3) Fuck them
5) All of the above
If I like them just as friends I want to:
1) Hug them
2) Talk to them
3) Help them
4) Be nice to them
You just have to ask yourself what you want to do with(to)
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Post: #675106 , Wed 15 Aug 12, 7:57PM |
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I'm questioning, too, and I have a similar problem. Well, kinda.
On one hand, I can definitely say that I've never been attracted to my best friend (oh my, I hate that expression), and I know that I love her as a friend. On the other hand, the people I've been attracted to... I want to talk to them and be there for them, perhaps hug them, but that's pretty much it. They still feel like friends to me. I'm not jealous about them, and I've never wanted to kiss anyone or be in a relationship, either...
So, I'm kind of lost, because the attraction is kinda there, but it doesn't seem to go anywhere, and I can't really perceive people other than candidates for friends.
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Edit: Russland, Wed 15 Aug 12, 8:54PM
Post: #675119 , Wed 15 Aug 12, 8:53PM |
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attraction is desire. you want to be (with) them alot of the time. you feel a sense of despiration almost when your not with them.
friendship is a bond, a mutual agreement if you like, where you spend your time with them as if they are your family. you're not as fussed if they're not there temporarily.
it will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end yet.
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Post: #675128 , Wed 15 Aug 12, 10:02PM |
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^well said,Adam.(claps hands)
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Post: #675229 , Thu 16 Aug 12, 7:45AM |
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For me... Most of the time I have a crush on my friends XD. It could be really small but I usually like them like that (or liked them like that and got over it) while I'm friends with them. For me friendships and crushes are blended together. I mean I know when I want to go for someone but my crushes are almost always friends of mine because I'd rather get to know them as friend first before I upfrontly tell them how I feel.
Occasionally I don't like a friend that way and that's great (most the time it's my gay male friends who receive this feeling of "friendship-only" so it wouldn't work anyway) but for the most part I like-like my friends . Most of the crushes I'd never act on but occasionally I decide to take a chance and hope it works out .
I guess I don't really tell the difference either but I think for the most part the feelings are mashed together between friend and crush so I can't say that I could help you'd separate them I suppose . Sorry about that.
To see us dance is to hear our hearts speak- Hopi Indian saying
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Post: #675234 , Thu 16 Aug 12, 9:55AM |
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Okay, I guess what I'm asking is the difference between a close friend and someone you're attracted to. It's fairly easy to tell the difference between a friend and a crush. I, however, cannot tell if I'm crushing on my close friends.
@Russland
Yeah...I hav the same problem. I've honestly never thought about kissing any of the guys that I've thought I had a crush on, I really haven't. It didn't even occur to me to think that. And I think it was just me thinking, "This person would make a nice friend..."
So I'm thinking those weren't crushes. So now I can't figure out if I've ever had one. (So how do I figure out my sexual orientation? That's the question.)
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Post: #675388 , Thu 16 Aug 12, 11:17PM |
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