Just need to talk?
UK: Childline on
0800 1111
US: Trevor Project on
866 488 7386
|
Topic: What keeps a marriage/family together?
Posts
 |
 |
after seeing this argument in another thread, I though it deserved it's own thread for it's own discussion.
what keeps a [happy] marriage and a [happy] family together?
kids? a home? sexual attraction? sex? or love?
on a linked side note, does sexual attraction in a marriage ever fade completely?
it will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end yet.
|
|
Post: #665806  , Sat 14 Jul 12, 5:31PM |
|
|
I would say all of the above, yet in some cases that just isn't true considering breakups, I do think it just depends on the person tbh. 
What knocks you down in life , can only make you stronger.
|
|
Post: #665821 , Sat 14 Jul 12, 6:36PM |
|
|
According to Lois in Malcolm in the Middle and relationship isn't held together by romance and love but raw, primal sex. As long as your needs are catered for with your partner you'll stay happy.
I kinda agree as it makes sense but I think there's a teensy bit more about it than sex. But sex is what keeps it going. 
I'm a Loiner, apparently...
|
|
Post: #665823 , Sat 14 Jul 12, 6:45PM |
|
|
:: Falconfly
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
This isn't a question of what keeps a family together, but what keeps a family together HAPPILY.
You can stay with another person out of duty and responsibility, but you will be miserable.
|
|
Post: #665870 , Sat 14 Jul 12, 10:21PM |
|
|
:: grum
:: QA Staff (Founder) | |
I think sex often brings people together. Attraction, passion, lust. The honeymoon period of relationships tends to be all about that and it's magical.
Sex I think will remain fairly central but, as you get older, it takes on a different form. You're not at it like rabbits anymore, ha. For the lucky ones who grow old with a partner, I think sexual attraction becomes less generated by physical beauty and more generated by emotional attachment. Moreover, other things become more important for keeping people together, like loyalty, stability, love and of course, effort.
For the majority of us with a sex drive, though, I can't imagine a successful lifelong partnership without it. It's a part of our human nature and I think, for most, it's quite unhealthy to deny it. Celibacy works for some, of course.
I wish the world was flat like the old days / And I could travel just by folding the map / No more airplanes or speed trains or freeways / There'd be no distance that could hold us back
|
|
Post: #665871 , Sat 14 Jul 12, 10:29PM |
|
|
:: TealSkye
:: QA7 Taking responsibility | |
Well if they are definitely still "happy", it is most definitely love. It wouldn't truly be a 'happy' family if the bonding glue was kids, or a home, and it's merely lust if it's only sexual attraction keeping them together. That is destroyed with the loss of youth very easily.
With age, the level of sexual attraction one feels for their partner is bound to decrease a great fraction. If they are happy together,one or both of them has formed an emotional bond that has surpassed their sexual one. The relationship is no longer dependent upon the aesthetic of the partner they have fallen in love with.
Otherwise it is no longer a happy marriage. Two people aging, or letting go of themselves simultaneously, or separately, cannot be dependent upon their attraction to keep them in a marriage. It just won't work.
|
|
Post: #665872 , Sat 14 Jul 12, 10:47PM |
|
|
Communication.
|
|
Post: #665875 , Sat 14 Jul 12, 10:57PM |
|
|
:: grum
:: QA Staff (Founder) | |
Well, if there was a single word missing from this thread so far, that was it.
I wish the world was flat like the old days / And I could travel just by folding the map / No more airplanes or speed trains or freeways / There'd be no distance that could hold us back
|
|
Post: #665878 , Sat 14 Jul 12, 11:00PM |
|
|
:: zee_to_a
:: QA4 A spot of tea please, Alfred! | |
Communication, loyalty, support and a willingness to compromise on certain situations.
|
|
Post: #665968 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 3:43AM |
|
|
Trust ^_^
|
|
Post: #666007 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 4:45AM |
|
|
People willing to work hard, people willing to stick to something even though it's not all fun and games, people willing to compromise their own selfishness for someone else's happiness, both sexual and emotional attraction, timing, being on the same page about the big things, overlooking little problems, fidelity, adaptability...
|
|
Post: #666016 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 5:17AM |
|
|
:: Patroclus
:: QA4 A spot of tea please, Alfred! | |
I don't believe that there is really any one answer that fits universally. For some people it'll be a strong and lasting passion, for others it'll be feeling like they're heard, others it may basically anything. We're all different and have very different needs, in the end all we can conclude keeps a family together and happy is that each person's unique needs are.
"No man is rich enough to buy back his own past"-Oscar Wilde
|
|
Post: #666032 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 5:58AM |
|
|
Am I like the only person on the whole of QA who does not think that sex is the focus point of a happy relationship?
Please, someone enlighten me and tell me that "No Stephen, I feel the same"
I just. I don't even know. I'm actually just sick of everywhere I go, and I mean 'everywhere'. All my friends when I was at school, Facebook, here, in public, even my family just absolutely everyone I talk to or overhear conversations about, it's just "sex, sex, yeah hahahaha, good old shag" and I'm like "Yeah. Oxygen is good too? Do you even know what that is? It's what you take in after every time you scream."
It just gets to me, almost saddens me that sex has become such a focus in life. People say "It's just natural instinct" and etc, but that is total bull.
I am sorry world, am I now unnatural?
I don't even know what else to say.
Sex maybe amazing, it may bring people closer and make people happier, fulfill their needs, keep the human race going, so on and so forth but...people just use sex as an excuse these days. "The sex life was awful. There was no sex life" It's just not a reason to be unhappy. There is so much more to life, so much more!! We are not dogs, we don't need to mount everything we see. However, when I'm at parties, that's what I am witnessing!
Omg. I can't even begin to...
This is why I want to stay single. I'm actually so serious. Every boyfriend I have had has been so sexually driven it's completely changed the way I view relationships. I think to myself, maybe there will be a guy who will actually not think about sex every minute of the day but, as every day goes by, I see that will never be the case.
Wow, firstly I can't believe how shocked I am. I don't even know why I'm so shocked if I am honest. Secondly, well I have nothing else to say.
As usual, people who know me well, can back me up when I say I haven't set out to offend anybody by what I have said. So I really am ever so sorry If I have, it was not my purpose. I just needed to express my dismay at how, not aiming it at everyone here, but aiming it at the world in general, how the world has the whole "Sleep. Eat. Work. Sex" thing going on in their head.
So sorry for ranting. I needed to get it out there.
The First, Last and Only thing I will ever say...Never give up hope, Always believe and Hold onto your dreams...♥
The Never-Ending Maze of Surprises...
|
|
Post: #666174 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 6:27PM |
|
|
@Stephen: You're not the only one. If sex is what makes a happy relationship, then I'm doomed in that respect.
In general, I think communication is key. Absolutely central. Yes, there needs to be a level of attraction and all that, but that to me is something above sex.
Willingness to work at things, because a relationship of any sort needs constant work. If one or both people stop putting in effort then the whole thing can rot away.
Sex... well... I can only speak from a personal level rather than a general one. For me it wouldn't be a key aspect for reason I don't want to go into. It seems, though, that on the whole sex, and on the same kind of wavelength, physical affection, is vital to a relationship/marriage/etc.
I'm a ratfish trying to practice doing back flips on your mattress.
|
|
Post: #666176 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 6:34PM |
|
|
Stephen,
I think there are many people here on QA whom agree with you.
But I think that to have a successful relationship there are many contributing factors and sex would be one of them, not necessarily the main but definitely to be included as a factor.
What knocks you down in life , can only make you stronger.
|
|
Post: #666178 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 6:36PM |
|
|
:: grum
:: QA Staff (Founder) | |
Our sex drives are driven by hormones, and so of course it varies person to person. It definitely is entirely natural and it's pretty normal for it to be a big thing in the lives of teenagers and their crazy chemical balances.
But while many will cite sex as an important factor, surely many if not most people will not cite sex as the most important factor.
Don't panic though, you're not alone in your feelings towards to it and you'll definitely find more people your age who agree with you as you get older.
I wish the world was flat like the old days / And I could travel just by folding the map / No more airplanes or speed trains or freeways / There'd be no distance that could hold us back
|
|
Post: #666180 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 6:42PM |
|
|
Ok, I'm in a calmer mood now. So I can respond more maturely.
I definitely understand that for some people, they cannot help it. Let's face it, I cannot help...I don't know, wanting to eat chocolate digestive's everyday, therefore some people cannot help wanting to have sex everyday or whatever. I appreciate that and hey, it's everyone's life, let's go wild.
I'd just rather go wild on eating.
I'm certainly glad that there are other people who agree with me, and please do excuse me, it was rude of me to automatically assume everyone was like that, but as I pointed out before, I am only responding to what I have seen so far.
And Sam, I do probably agree with you, when my stubborn opinions are not crashing around But, I hope you see my point. For me, sex is...well has been ruined for me and therefore in future it has to be something special. Not something which, "Hey, we're drunk, there's a free room, YOLO." I just...can't be doing with that. But yes, I see you point! and thank you for understanding mine - however abrupt it was!
Thanks Grum, I've simply never seen it as a big thing that others have and as mentioned before, I have failed to find a situation where sex isn't part of it.
Darn hormones.
The First, Last and Only thing I will ever say...Never give up hope, Always believe and Hold onto your dreams...♥
The Never-Ending Maze of Surprises...
|
|
Post: #666181 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 6:53PM |
|
|
:: Falconfly
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Strongly depends. A romantic relationship defenitely needs sexuality to some degree; this is why asexuals often have sex with their loved ones to keep them happy, even if they themselves don't care much for it.
The problem is that people demonise sexuality. Sure, sex can feel "wrong", and at times I myself am ashamed of my libido, but to repress it is the quickest way to drive yourself nuts.
If you have little sexual drive, its perfectly fine, but keep in mind that, to most people, romantic love is closely tied to sex.
|
|
Post: #666201 , Sun 15 Jul 12, 8:56PM |
|
|
wow. how very thought out.
I wanna bump the thread for more opinions
also, what about a sense of duty? to religion, a partner, kids...? does anyone stick around to keep the kids brought up?
it will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end yet.
|
|
Post: #666652 , Mon 16 Jul 12, 10:14PM |
|
|
:: Falconfly
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Yeah, as I said billions of times already, duty can keep families together, BUT a relationship brought about JUST because of duty is a miserable one.
That is why people that don't divorce for the sake of public appearences are constantly cheating on their partners.
|
|
Post: #666658 , Mon 16 Jul 12, 10:42PM |
|
|
 |
 |
LIKE THIS PAGE
|
Who's Online
Last 15 mins: 16 guests, 2 members: grum, curegirl QA Ethos
Above all else, QA should be a friendly community. Contact us when our Terms are broken.
Events and promos
Check out
The Official QA Blog
|
Not much of a Blogger
That one life-long scar...
Three's A Crowd... or is it?
Lily Helena Knight
Things that grow
Just so.
My new life
Trip to the zoo!
![Stephen is mowing the lawn, indefinitely [Avatar]](images/?img=avatars/14761wee.jpg?i=1){kind=small}
