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Topic: In denial Bisexuals?
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No offense to any Bisexuals on here but:
Why do some bisexuals come out as gay later on afterwards? Firstly if you come out as gay later in life then sorry to say this but you were gay all along. I don’t believe some one’s sexuality can change completely it’s to say if tomorrow I sleep with a guy and I end up enjoying it that doesn’t mean I’m bisexual, more like bi for one guy sort of thing  Anyways I just think all these so called bisexuals that come out as gay afterwards are kidding themselves and making the Bisexual community look bad. There are a lot of skeptical people out there that don’t believe in bisexuality as it is. Thoughts, opinions?
Discuss…
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Post: #665131  , Thu 12 Jul 12, 2:23AM |
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:: TealSkye
:: QA7 Taking responsibility | |
Your right.
They havn't randomly become attracted to one gender.
They may very well have stopped being Bi-sexual though.
It could have been on account of traumatic situations, perhaps their experience has allowed them to see that they prefer one above the other, or perhaps they only enjoyed relations with one over the other.
With honestly, it's not really that hard to delude oneself of ones own sexuality. So it could very well be, and most likely be at that, self-denial.
Biologically nothing has changed perhaps, but theres always the possibility of mental persuasion. Persuasion that could warrant a second "Coming-Out".
IMHO
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Edit: TealSkye, Thu 12 Jul 12, 2:54AM
Post: #665137 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 2:53AM |
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Yeah, I've made this rant a lot. xD I think people do it because:
a)They're unsure of their sexuality and actually may think they still like the opposite sex.
b)They think that people won't precieve a bisexual "as bad" as someone who is gay, since being bi is only "half-gay".
c)They don't want to be associated with the gay stereotypes.
I thought I may be bi and tried to convince myself I was, I only told like one person though and I also told them I was unsure as well. I didn't go telling everyone I was bi and then later saying I was gay. I hate people who do that, though I understand their reasons.
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Post: #665138 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 2:54AM |
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I've been wondering about that too. I had a friend who dated a dude for two years and adored him, but she claimed she was bisexual. Then she meets a girl and suddenly she is a full lesbian now. That's what she says anyway. I couldn't understand it. Is she bi? Gay? I'm wondering if we are responsible for more of our sexuality than we admit, or at least how much we express it. Plus this girl is one who copies everything anti mainstream so I think she said she's a lez just cuz she wants to be trendy. Maybe she's bi but she's only allowing herself to date girls now?
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference."
http://www.soulforce.org/resou...-homosexuality/
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Post: #665195 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 6:21AM |
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I did it too, it just makes the transition easier. I really did think I was bi for a while though. I was extremely emotionally attached to this girl (still am), but she's the only girl I've ever felt that way about. I was never out as bi though, it was just an inner self thing.
xoxoxoxoxo
~Tyler
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Post: #665199 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 6:50AM |
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Some people rush into labeling themselves bisexuals without having explored their sexuality. The term “bisexual” offers a level of comfort for people venturing into the LGBT world; why? Because it’s not assertive and it leaves room for possibilities. It doesn’t come with the social stigma that full blown homosexuality does so it’s no surprise some gay people would hide behind bisexuality.
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Post: #665226 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 2:17PM |
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:: Puff
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Well I went through all the labels I think... I had never really thought about my sexuality up till about 17 cos I was very busy with things, just assumed I was straight cos I did have an attraction towards girls at that stage. But then my best friend kissed me, after what I think he may have influenced me to call myself pan xD Obviously I was slightly confused right after he kissed me and the following days with him but I never really cared with my sexuality cos I knew it would sort itself out and it's not up to me 
At times I thought maybe asexual would be best but I think that may have just been complications with emotions with people, then I went bi cos I knew I liked guys but I could still be with a girl although the preference was clearly guy, obviously still the first boy but that's another tale... Eventually I realised that I was fully gay... Although that same night I got absolutely smashed, went out and ended up kissing two girls xD But in the morning I was fully sure I was gay so I went through all those labels cos I was confused and not sure where I stood tbh  I just let it go and see where it took me but of course I wanted a label, not for others but to define myself or at least try 
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Post: #665230 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 3:11PM |
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I had a very hardcore crush on a guy in middle school, ehich made me believe I was bi. however, I never really came out, so its not like that was an issue. but I had my reasons to believe I was bi at some point, its just confusion. I've also seen alot of gays and lesbians especially on here who later realize they're bi, not gay. people are allowed to be confused.
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Post: #665234 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 3:44PM |
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I did used to think I was bisexual, mainly because of my hardcore crush on David Tennant, and because I had dated a few boys. I came out as that to some people, although I was starting to think that I was probably a lesbian. However, as I think someone has mentioned, because of an assault, I was more sure that I was much more attracted to girls than to guys.
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Post: #665236 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 4:22PM |
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I think there are some people who identify as bisexual before gay as kind of a transition because, like Ellair said, it leaves room for different possibilities for people who haven't fully explored their sexuality.
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.
"Rub that glitter and grease around"
~Lady Gaga
"I'm fierce and I'm feeling mighty. I'm a golden girl, I'm an aphrodite, alright!"
~Kylie Minogue
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Post: #665240 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 5:47PM |
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I think that the original post comes off as a bit judgemental, and a little bit rude. You're basically insinuating that all people who come out as bi and then as gay are liars.
Realisation of sexuality can be a very long thing for some - just because they end up not being bisexual, doesn't mean they never truly thought they were and were just lying to 'cover up'. When I was in primary school, I genuinely thought I was straight - I even distinctly remember thinking, when my teacher was explaining about gay couples, 'Well, I'll never be gay, so that doesn't concern me'. Am I a liar because I identified as straight at the time?
Sexuality isn't black and white - it's fluid. I might one day find myself sexually attracted to a girl (I don't think I ever will, but it's possible) - why is it we can go from straight to realising we're gay, but it's some sort of social taboo to even think someone could realise they're not gay as they thought.
I keep making long rambling posts in this kind of thread, but just getting my opinion across xD
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Post: #665242 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 5:55PM |
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I agree with Sean. Up until 6th grade I identified as straight then I was abused by a guy and came out as bi, because I was scared of men, i have a preference to girls because of that, but that doesn't make me a lesbian, nor does it make me a liar about who I am. I'm not meaning to sound rude or anything here, but the post came off as harsh, judgemental and like you're bashing the bisexuals. I mean everyone has a right to their own opinion. I just found your assumption a bit harsh and thought I'd put my thought in, cause not all bisexuals are like you're saying.
Sam and Dana <333- 11/01/13<333
"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence can break your heart."-Unknown
"The meaning of life is 'bucket'"-Richard the undead warlock(LFG)
"Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake"- Marty(Here Comes The Boom)
"A pen to a writer is as a sky bison is to an air bender"- me
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Post: #665244 , Thu 12 Jul 12, 6:03PM |
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:: Marina367
:: QA4 A spot of tea please, Alfred! | |
This is what I don't know what to do about. I always hear that claiming you are bisexual is just a stepping stone to mean that you are gay...I need some clarity on this.
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Post: #668748 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 5:07AM |
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A lot of people come out as bi before they come out as gay. I did it because I honestly thought I was bisexual before I matured and realized that my attraction to men was much more superficial than my attraction to women, but it wasn't because I was trying to hide anything or pretend to be normal.
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Edit: lysha, Mon 23 Jul 12, 5:33AM
Post: #668752 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 5:32AM |
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:: Lynn
:: QA10 Community Goddess | |
I really think it is more of the process of realizing your own identity. When you are younger, you really have little idea as to who you are. Some people grow up knowing their sexuality and that is great, but a lot of people don't know until further contemplation. Unfortunately, sexuality will never be as black and white as height, hair color, etc. I have known many people who have gone from identifying as straight, to bisexual, to gay, and back to bisexual, and most likely, this transition isn't a premeditated attempt to stain the perception of bisexuals. When we are born, we don't automatically identify as straight or gay, we don't consider our spirituality, and we don't ponder on things like our own cognition. Up until adolescence, so few people think about who they actually are and the process to really understanding who you are takes years (Realistically it is more of a life long process).
Also, how accurate are such definite labels at describing something as ambiguous(at times) as sexuality? There are plenty of forums on here about the Kinsey scale and really, that in itself is a very simplistic way of measuring it.
I am one of those people who will always consider sexuality to be at least partially genetic, but genes that predict attitude, preferences, and personality traits aren't always going to be expressed anyways, and who knows what social factors will inhibit this expression and so on.
Anyways, to sum up my argument, changing your own self-perception and, depending on the individual, sexual identity in adolescence is a fairly normal experience. I don't usually see this sort of behavior as really what damages the perception of bisexuals as much as stereotypes of the promiscuity of bisexuals. I have heard the idea that bisexuals "just don't know what they want" but it tends to be a little less abrasive than the people calling all bisexuals, for lack of a better word, "whores".
Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Love is the poetry of the senses. ~Honoré de Balzac
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Post: #668767 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 7:10AM |
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Ouch D:. I originally came out as bisexual because I really did believe that. I honestly believed I was bisexual, gave that a shot and realised I really just was gay all along. I lived a sheltered life and being bisexual was hard enough not to even mention being gay. I thought I liked boys because that was the social norm and it was easier for my brain to "transition" if you will to realising I'm gay if my brain could wrap its head around me being bisexual first.
I think this topic is a bit offensive to some gay people who started out with the label bisexual. I mean how were we supposed to know that we were gay all along?! I understand the bisexual community gets a lot of bad wraps for this reason but it really isn't our fault if we're gay and we just don't know it yet.
Overall my mood just got all shitty cos of this and now I want to go break something. It's not my fault I didn't know I was fully gay! -__- this is the first time I've ever been really mad about something on QA.
To see us dance is to hear our hearts speak- Hopi Indian saying
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Post: #668852 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 3:36PM |
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I think it's a really bad idea to try to label other people. I identify as bisexual after coming out, initially, as a lesbian. Sexuality, in my opinion, is fluid. A person can't really choose who they're attracted to. I met someone who identifies as bisexual, married a woman (so same-sex marriage), and still identifies as bisexual. It's up to the person to decide their label.
"Look at all of the little lesbians
frolicking in the snow!" ~Koda
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Edit: shadowofrazia, Mon 23 Jul 12, 3:59PM
Post: #668867 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 3:58PM |
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:: JayD
:: QA8 High Householder | |
I don't think this at all, I don't think anyone who identifies as bisexual before coming out as gay should be held accountable for changing their identity. Sexual orientation is so messy and confusing as it is that it is no wonder some people identify as bisexual before coming out as gay. I have seen this manifest itself in two ways.
I will give myself as an example - When I first started coming to terms with myself, I realized I had this contradiction between physical and emotional attraction. I found myself physically attracted to males but still emotionally wanting to bond with females. I was afraid of making an emotional bond with another male. This split made me feel like I had an attraction to both sexes in one form or another and therefore I identified as bisexual for a short period of time. Once I broke the emotional/sexual bond, which doesn't necessarily apply to everyone, I realized I was most certainly gay.
I don't think it is a conscious effort to make bisexual people feel bad. And who knows, some people may actually have chemicals in the brain and growth within parts of the brain that actually shift a persons attractions over the course of the teenage years. Many teens experience same sex encounters. I can't count all the times my teen male friends and I would hump one another and shove our genitals at each other's faces when we were young. If we lived in a more open culture, I feel like we could have had a lot of healthy learning experiences through these behaviours that would only have helped my friends and I gain sexual experience for the real deal later in life.
So, identity shifts based on how our biology is interacting with the language and ideas in our environments. This is my opinion of course. . .
Do I feel bad for identifying as bisexual for a time, no. So, I don't think anyone should be shamed or blamed for getting something wrong. Especially in the oppressive world we already experience surrounding such issues.
I love helping people. If I succeeded consider liking my Good as Gay FB page.
FB page - http://www.facebook.com/goodasgay
Blog -
http://goodasgay.blogspot.com
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Post: #668869 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 4:01PM |
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:: JayD
:: QA8 High Householder | |
I forgot to mention the second way this bisexual coming out before coming out as gay happens.
Some people really feel that being bisexual is better than identifying as gay because they get an idea that being bisexual is cool and that it is hip and easier to cope with. The truth is, it isn't any easier to be bisexual than it is to be any of the rest. It is considerably harder. This is unfortunate that this happens, but an understandable predicament.
Again, I think education and open dialogue is the key. That and to never accuse someone of giving the community a bad name but to allow people to discover who they are through the natural processes of experiencing ourselves sexually. Again, never blame or shame - Don't hate, educate!
I love helping people. If I succeeded consider liking my Good as Gay FB page.
FB page - http://www.facebook.com/goodasgay
Blog -
http://goodasgay.blogspot.com
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Post: #668871 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 4:06PM |
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:: Marina367
:: QA4 A spot of tea please, Alfred! | |
From what I have seen it is almost as though bisexuals are even estranged a bit from the gay community. As though it is better to be lesbian or gay than to be bisexual. There are so many stigmas that seem to come with it. Its as though bisexuals are neither accepted by straight people or by fully gay people. (I know I sound like I am making assumptions but this is just what I have seen and I am not trying to offend anyone.) I know it may sound crazy but I would MUCH rather I knew I was lesbian than having to deal with the complexities of claiming myself as bisexual.(which i haven't done yet)
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Post: #668880 , Mon 23 Jul 12, 4:27PM |
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