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Topic: Am I?(questioning sexuality)
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Subject changed from "Am I?" |
In my past relationships with boys, I felt some butterflies in my tummy. Now that I think about it, being married to a man seems foreign to me. Ask me what I find attractive in men, the only answer I could give you is androgyny. Show me a picture of Josh Hutchinson and all I'll do is shrug. As a little girl, I always had one best female friend at a time. Not a group of female friends, but just one best friend. I would even have dreams about us living together, not necessarily as a couple though. As I got older, around the end of fourth grade, I started to think "what if me and ________ kissed?" I had those thoughts for a year. The summer before sixth grade, I had my first kiss with my best friend in a game of truth or dare. Weeks later, she had been spending more time with the girl who had dared us to kiss than me. I called my best friend every hour at least just to get attention.
4 years later, I'm in a relationship with a girl, and I haven't felt the butterflies yet. With her or with any girl since my first kiss. What am I
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Post: #663065  , Thu 5 Jul 12, 8:40AM |
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No strangers on the internet can tell you who you are. I know it's horrible to hear that, and I spent years hoping someone would be able to give me an answer, but we just can't tell you!
If I said to you "you're showing all the symptoms of being A MASSIVE LESBIAN" I'm sure you would give me all the excuses/reasons/conflicting information that's been running around in your head for the last however long to explain why you're not. And exactly the same would go for whatever label I randomly gave you.
You just have to wait it out. Be open minded. Try not to get hung up thinking about it. Try some stuff (sounds like you have a bit!) if you want to. Talk to friends if you feel like you can. Just go with whatever feelings you have that feel good, do what you want with your life and worry about the labels later.
Try to spend some time with gay people or on forums like QA, look for role models in the media or in real life to make sure that you're working on combating internalised homophobia. I'm not trying to say that you're a homophobe or anything like that, but a lot of people (myself included) have/had negative ideas and feelings about what it is to be queer, even if you're totally OK with, for example, having gay friends or family. (I hope that makes sense  ) A good way to get over that is to be surrounded by amazing queer people- whether it's in real life, online, or even if they're fictional!
Good luck with it! hopefully QA members will help you out where we can 
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Post: #663099 , Thu 5 Jul 12, 10:52AM |
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Emma hit the nail there pretty much but adding on to what she’s already stated:
You’re 15 years old you have plenty of time to figure out what your real identity is. You could very well be “hooking” up and perhaps even dating the wrong people. Suppose if you date someone who you might think you’re genuinely interested in only to find out you’re not; you won’t be feeling any tingles for the person would you? Given more time and experience you’ll come about to realise some things. However something strikes me as intriguing, you mentioned you’re declining interest in men’s physical appearance but what about in women; do you still find women physically appealing?
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Post: #663121 , Thu 5 Jul 12, 2:10PM |
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Hm. Well first, don't feel the need to label yourself. Second, you could simply be bi. And third, it could be that you're a lesbian, but you just don't feel anything for the girl you're with. Don't stress over it, though. Your identity will come in time...
"With every breath you take, you’re dying.
With every step we take we’re falling apart.
If we only had one chance we’d breathe,
So let’s take this chance right now and scream.
You only live one life, for a very short time.
So make every second divine."
— Suicide Silence
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Post: #664846 , Wed 11 Jul 12, 1:48AM |
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Thanks for all of your answers. Anyway, yes I do find girls more physically attractive than boys, although I sometimes like androgynous men. I broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago cos she wasn't very respectful when I told her that I'm an atheist. I'm just gonna take it one step at a time and see where it takes me. 
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Post: #666824 , Tue 17 Jul 12, 6:51AM |
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