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Topic: I learned that I was bi, I have mixed feelings
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This is the first time I am saying that I am bi, outside of my head, so no trolls please. I am a 15 year old male I am not a homophobe but flambouyant gay people creep me out, so I dont hate gay people, last year I helped in a gay pride parade. But I have really mixed feelings as I would rather be on one end of the sexual orientation spectrum or the other. So I usually whenever I see a guy shirtless or nude, I look away partly due to the fact that I didnt want to see that as I never really have before, but last night I saw a picture of a guy shirtless and I really liked it and I realised that I was attracted to guys. I dont want to come out to my mum and step dad (who are both very open and would support me, but I feel like they would either make me tell people that I am bi, or tell other people as they can not keep a secret.) I live in texas so many people would physically and emotonatly hurt me if they knew. My mixed feelings started when I realised that I dont just like guys, I like both guys and girls. My lifes goal is to be happy, in order for that to happen for me, I want to find my soul mate. But I feel selfish if i would prefer a guy over a girl or vice versa, as it seems that sometimes I will love females way more, or sometimes I would rather have a guy. I would love to have a female soulmate but there are some things I wish to do to a guy. I am a monogamous guy, I want my soul mate and really dont want to date or have sex with any other person whether it be before or after marriage. I also only have only one friend who is an athiest, but gay people creep him out, and I would rather not tell him, as it isnt his buisness as I dont like him in a relationship way. I have so many mixed feelings, and I know that my parents would treat me completly different, my mum would probably ask me what guys I think are hot, making it very uncomfortable for me. The big reason why I posted here was because I dont know what to think about the fact that I am bi.
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Post: #642070  , Sun 22 Apr 12, 8:09PM |
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Welcome to QA! I'm Caleb and I live just to the north of you in Oklahoma 
What you're going through is pretty normal, just as long as you're happy with what you're doing nothing else really matters. Coming out happens when you want it to, no rush. 
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Post: #642071 , Sun 22 Apr 12, 8:21PM |
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I am not really happy, I just feel strange, when I liked only females I knew more about how the future would play out, but now I just would feel wrong to date a guy when I am attracted to a girl or date a girl when I am attracted to a guy.
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Post: #642073 , Sun 22 Apr 12, 8:24PM |
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not gunna lie, i think your gay. (or not this is what i think so please dont take offence)
you said you dont realy look at guys and stuff, but maybe you actuly do like them but you just dont know yourself yet. like i didnt realy know, entill i started looking maybe you just need to expeariment a bit xxx hope this helps
but its okay to be who you are xxxx
and welcome to QA
~Bobby
♥ GAY is just another word in the DICTIONARY ♥
♥ YOU are just another person in this WORLD! ♥
♥ WE are just all a bunch of amazing QUEERS! ♥
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Post: #642077 , Sun 22 Apr 12, 8:54PM |
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It's perfectly fine to be in between, too. You should really look at people who you find attractive, boys and girls, and then maybe rate yourself on the Kinsey scale? :3
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Post: #642081 , Sun 22 Apr 12, 8:58PM |
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I Find women very attractive, but also men. And its hard to rate myself because it would depend on the person, I could see myself for both romance of the male and female if anywhere I would be exactly a 3, its really confusing for me because for pure sex sometimes I am a 1 and sometimes I am a 5 but for a relationship I am a 3. I dont have any place to date a guy or a girl who isnt the african american stereotype (my school is largly african american, and I am not physically attracted to them anyhow) and because of where I live the majoraty of people are republican christains, which I am not one, nor do I wish to date one. I am a pagan so there is really no one around, that is my age and shares my religion for a purpose other to rebel(and when they rebel they think they are worshipping satan). it just is confusing for me, not knowing what gender I will end up with. And I am frustrated with the fact that I have no one to talk to.
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Post: #642092 , Sun 22 Apr 12, 9:10PM |
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Sexuality is fluid, so no worries! I know exactly what it's like to be confused about it, but you aren't alone in this anymore. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me. I'll listen.
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Post: #642099 , Sun 22 Apr 12, 9:15PM |
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:: Rakkaus
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Hey there, Liam...don't be ashamed of being bi, there's nothing wrong or selfish about it...I'm bi too, and I know what you mean about all the conflicting thoughts that go into one's ahead, wondering whether you really prefer males or females (often this seems to change day to day); will you just find a girl and settle down, or will you fall in love with a guy along the way?; am I really just gay (or straight) and confused?; then there's the fear that by committing to one person of one sex, you'll be giving up part of who you are, etc, etc.
If you're a gay man, you'll date men, and you know you'll end up with a guy. If you're a straight man, you'll date women, and you know you'll end up with a girl. But if you're bi, things get a bit more complicated and uncertain...
I think there really needs to be a lot more dialogue on bisexuality as a distinct queer orientation, and the special challenges and issues bisexuals face, instead of just viewing bisexuals as selfish/sex-crazed/confused gay/straight people.
But it's incorrect to say that you have no one to talk to, because now you have us.
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Post: #642110 , Sun 22 Apr 12, 9:36PM |
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I feel so selfish, making a big deal about simply being confused. But I live my life thinking one more step closer till I find someone flat I love, because I have almost no friends, my only one I see in first period. People in my school hate me because I don't listen to rap, or I watch British sitcoms instead of American shows.
This is why I came here, the only safe place to spill my guts.
I want to be proud of my sexuality, but it will bring problems when I am ready to date people me age.
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Post: #642426 , Mon 23 Apr 12, 11:55AM |
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*HUGS* I know how you feel. It took me forever to finally come to terms with who I am and when I finally did, I just broke down cried because I thought I could not longer have the life I'd always wanted if I was with a girl. I realize now that life with a woman and life with a man would be very very different, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy with either.
And you don't need to tell anybody until you're ready. I've still only told one person (my best friend) and she stuck with me which actually surprised me a bit. Nothing has really changed that much (except for me finding out how little she knows about bisexuality. We're not all polyamourous, you know)
If you need a friend on this site, send me a message anytime.
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Post: #642429 , Mon 23 Apr 12, 12:27PM |
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:: Xeffy
:: QA9 Grand Elder | |
I feel like that most Bisexuals usually end up prefferring one or the other in the end... not always true though.
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Post: #642531 , Mon 23 Apr 12, 7:09PM |
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:: Omniglot
:: QA4 A spot of tea please, Alfred! | |
Don't force yourself to make any decisions, and try to slow down. You've got all the time in the world to think about this - I've been exactly where you are, and I was stuck there for a good 5 years and it tore me apart. For me, I wasn't 100% sure I liked girls because I actually did, or because I had grown up in a society where that was the 'done thing'.
Try and give it some time, and don't force a label onto yourself. You may find that you like one more than the other in the end, or you may just stay bi. It's all natural, it's all normal, and it's all good.
Please, please please please please if you think being out as any queer orientation would bring the hatred out in the people around you, it might be wise to stay closeted, at least for a while. People are filled with venom for no particular reason, and many want to hurt and destroy all that is different to them. On the other hand, there are people who will love you for who you are, and they are the only people worth being around. I just don't want you to get hurt.... please be safe.
PM me if you want to talk, good luck.
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Post: #642555 , Mon 23 Apr 12, 8:19PM |
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I grew up in a completely conservative area, with gay kids being ridiculed and disengaged in social settings. Growing up through Elementary and Middle School I was very attracted to other boys in my class. Throughout High School I tried to bring it to the surface a little by involving myself with gay crowds and by making myself sexually active with both genders. I completely understand what it is like to live in a area where ppl are against it. However, the truth still remains that YOU are YOU, and no-one can say that you are wrong for getting these feelings. Coming out to critical family members and friends will be hard. I've only told close friends that I know will accept me. I feel for ya man.
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Post: #642571 , Mon 23 Apr 12, 8:52PM |
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