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Topic: When Did Straight-Acting Become Attractive?
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Looking back on the concept of straight-acting, I first have to recall an artwork I saw in a gallery when I was about 12. I must have stood there staring at it for a good fifteen minutes before my Mum came over and thought that my curiosity meant that she had to explain what gay was to me. In reality, I knew what gay meant but I didn't know what straight meant. Once I knew what straight meant, I couldn't understand why the out gay men who were my idols at the time, would want to act like a straight man - which to my understanding and the understanding of the artist meant that they adhered to straight stereotypes and avoided gay ones so as to appear heterosexual.
So now, six years later I am still faced with the question "Why would out gay men want to act like straight men?" Isn't the whole concept of straight acting a massive example of internalised homophobia? I mean if you say "I act straight" aren't you buying into the idea that there is some definitive way in that being a homosexual changes the way that you act? And what does it even mean to act straight? From a cursory look at the website straightacting.com straight acting is advertised as acting in a masculine manner. If one can assume that in a man, straight is synonymous with masculine, then does this mean that gay is synonymous with effeminate? Isn't this one of the main ideas from which homophobia springs; that all gay men are effeminate and all straight men are masculine? Yet something I've heard so many times from particularly masculine men who have been attracted to me is "One of the things I like about you is that you aren't super gay, you know, you don't act like a girl all the time." I think when I get told that, the guys expect it to come across as some super-meaningful compliment so when I reply "Well, if you don't want someone gay then you've got the wrong person," they tend to get confused.
It's at this point that I need to clarify that I'm not writing this article to criticise masculine homosexual men. I'm criticising the homosexual men who think that straight acting makes them somehow socially superior and go out of their way to appear straight to anyone who they don't want to have gay sex with. If a homosexual man is masculine then that is how he is and I can say that I am a masculine homosexual man (mostly). If he says he is straight acting then that is not how he is, that is an act. Acting means to act, fancy that! As far as I see it, if you want to act straight and pretend to be straight when you aren't then why not go all the way and BE STRAIGHT I certainly won't miss you. Straight acting is something we've all done at one time or another for usually one reason: We don't want people to know we are gay. So why are there now all these openly homosexual men saying they're straight acting and more importantly WHY DO PEOPLE WANT STRAIGHT ACTING BOYFRIENDS?
As an example, I was on a date with a guy and he pulled me into a David Jones. I wasn't really sure what was going on (as I definitely don't call clothes shopping a date) until he pointed out a man with dyed pink hair with leopard spots shaved into it and started giggling. I had no idea what he was laughing about until he said "He's so faggy; it's hilarious." Needless to say, especially after the tone of my article thus far, I was angry at him. Here he was, on a date with another man, and he was pointing out and ridiculing a random stranger for having a haircut that might be perceived as stereotypically gay. After listening to him call himself straight-acting for an entire evening and then being openly homophobic, I just left without another word.
Straight acting isn't being masculine, it's being homophobic. You are scared of being associated with homosexuals because of the adversity we face but you're more than happy to take all the liberties our struggles against this adversity have brought you. I came out of the closet at age 14 as a gay-acting gay and I will always be gay-acting because I am gay. Every action I do is gay because I am gay. So if you do just use straight acting instead of masculine why not pause and think about the homophobia the term implies and just say masculine? And if you're straight acting purely because you think that straight acting makes you better than all of us faggots, poofs and queers then I think that maybe you should finally step out of the closet and into our world because You can't act straight and be gay. It's an oxymoron, moron
-Alexander Leighton
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Post: #628432  , Mon 19 Mar 12, 10:20AM |
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The fact that the guy you went out with was gay and making fun of effiminate gay guys was terrible. However, don't judge all guys who say that they "act straight" negatively, unless it is clear that they really are acting.
I mean, I say that I act straight to people when they are surprised to hear that I'm queer. I say, "Oh yeah, it's because I act like a straight girl, right?" But I feel like you can act naturally like a stereotypical straight person if that's who you are. I "act straight" but I'm gay. It's not like I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm gay, it's just that the way that I am is not flamboyantly gay in every way. People who don't know me don't get the impression that I'm gay just by looking at me.
Also, just because you're gay does not mean that everything you do is inherently gay. In fact, the only thing that you can do which is inherently gay is have gay sex (or things of a romantic/sexual nature with people of the same sex). Nothing else should be considered gay or straight, just human. I do not gay cook dinner, nor do I straight cook dinner. I just cook dinner. So I hope that you don't really label yourself in that way. You should thing of yourself first and foremost as a person, rather than letting the fact that you happen to gay define all of your other actions.
La clarté étrange de ton sourire illumine mon été.
I wish I were a glow worm, a glow worm's never glum. 'Cause how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum?
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Post: #628468 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 6:11PM |
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Sorry Katie, but the term 'straight acting' is the problem. It is literally saying that the masculine or feminine behavior is an act and not genuine.
Another reason for straight acting, beside the internalized homophobia, is the desire to be found attractive. I know many gay men who, because they are gay, are attracted to masculine behavior rather than the effeminate behavior clearly associated with women. I fall somewhere in between, I wardrobe consists of women's clothes (not dresses) but I have sideburns and talk in a baritone voice. Just a thought.
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Post: #628475 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 7:00PM |
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Alright, I get that it shouldn't necessarily be called straight acting if it implies that someone is acting a certain way for any reason than that is simply who they are.
But I still don't feel that being gay makes everything you do gay.
La clarté étrange de ton sourire illumine mon été.
I wish I were a glow worm, a glow worm's never glum. 'Cause how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum?
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Post: #628483 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 7:22PM |
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:: benjn
:: QA9 Grand Elder | |
I think it has alot to do with the fact that straight people are generally accepted as the norm, so if a gay person "acts straight" then it's okay, but for a straight man to be more effeminate or "act gay," for example, is degrading, because people think being gay is degrading.
"Be what you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr Seuss
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Post: #628486 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 7:30PM |
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As much as i respect your opinion Lex, i think with regards to the term itself, that you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
The term 'straight acting' is simply used to describe someone who's behaviour is not effeminate. Breaking the phrase down and placing a magnifying glass over the word 'acting' suggests you aren't aware that people liberally use this phrase to describe their natural persona/mannerism.
If i said, "my mum was acting irrationally this morning", does that imply she was pretending? Simply, no it doesn't, it refers to her behaviour or mannerism.
I personally do not act effeminate, i don't obsess over shopping, or my hair. I like cars, setting things on fire, and hitting things with a hammer. Its just how i am. And yes, i describe myself as straight acting. Why? Because i dont think about it all that much, i dont analyse everything i say or type for its literal meaning by taking the full dictionary definition of every singular word.
The other thing to note, is that the ONLY time i describe myself this way, is in the phrase 'straight acting gay guy', so if i was ashamed of being gay, why would i say both in the same sentence?
Why do i point out my mannerism? Because simply, i am no more ashamed of describing my self that way as i am saying i am gay. I'm entitled to. Its the same democracy and liberty that allows us to do many things, including being gay.
Everyone gets the point a phrase like that is trying to make, and it aint to promote my acting credentials. Its not saying 'date me, and no one will ever guess'..
It's just a phrase that is mis-used, if you want to get all literal about it.
Mike
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Edit: scottishguy, Mon 19 Mar 12, 8:06PM
Post: #628487 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 7:32PM |
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Thanks everyone for replying and reading! Katie, you make a good point that your sexuality doesn't affect everything you do and I agree with that, it was one of the main points of my article and why I think people are so concerned about straight acting. I am not saying that people can't act in ways typically associated with heterosexuals, I'm saying that this prevalence of the idea of straight acting does encourage homosexuals to act more stereotypically straight than they normally would because it is more socially revered. Mike, I understand that you think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but when you're someone that uses the term "straight acting" in place of masculine I didn't expect you to agree with my article. I've laid all my arguments out in my article and if you still think that calling yourself a "straight acting gay man" is better than "masculine gay man" then feel free to read the last sentence over and over until you get the point.
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Post: #628501 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 8:26PM |
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I hate the term "straight acting".
Straight acting means you're having sex with the opposite sex. If you're not, then you're not "straight acting".
But it's just a matter of preference. Some gay people hate the word "queer" and find it offensive; others don't mind it at all. There are the same kind of opinions about this term.
OMNIA SUNT INGRATA |
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Post: #628510 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 8:55PM |
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So, do you accept that certain gay guys like myself, are natuarally gay with regards to sexual preference, however, act (behave) in a masculine way naturally, and therefor describe themselves as 'straight acting'?
Saying i disagree with your article, because i misuse the phrase 'straight acting' incorrectly suggests you judge me on one phrase i use, which means you are making an assumption of my opinion, based on very little. Also, i did not disagree with the entire article at all, i referred(in my first sentence) individually to the term itself.
Simply, what i use to describe myself bears no relevance to my insecurity about being perceived as effeminate, its only relevant to how i perceive myself. And that bears no relevance to my opinion .
Yes, i think if someone acts naturally masculine, they are entitled to describe that. But, i think if someone says that they behave 'straight', when naturally they arent, then yes you have a point in that respect only.
I dont 'still think its better', because i never thought it was better in the first place. I accept gramatically it is incorrect, not better.
I stated i use it with the same meaning as 'masculine', and so do many naturally masculine non-homophobic openly gay not biased towards effeminate men.
I agree it is wrong to do so, but you shouldnt assume these people have any issue with being perceived as effeminate. It is simply our perception that we are not.
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Edit: scottishguy, Mon 19 Mar 12, 9:09PM
Post: #628512 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 9:03PM |
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:: XlobX
:: QA8 High Householder | |
"You can't act straight and be gay"
I do. The only gay thing I do is p***
I really dislike the fact that this conversation exists.
Sexuality does not necessary have ANY effect on personality. Why can't we just be normal people, guilt free? I don't 'act like a straight person', I act like a normal person, because, you see, I am a normal person, just one who happens to like penises.....
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Post: #628513 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 9:04PM |
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Here is the point, looking at it from an opposite perspective.
If a straight guy described himself as being a 'camp-acting' straight male, would we all assume he has insecurity about being perceived as straight?
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Post: #628515 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 9:27PM |
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If I heard a straight-guy say he was "gay-acting", I'd assume he had more feminine interests that he associated with gay people.
But you never hear anyone say "gay-acting". I think that's more important than what the term means in the first place. No one says "gay-acting" because being gay is looked down upon. Being straight is looked up to. I've met gay people who've said they'd be straight in an instant if it were possible.
Saying you're straight-acting usually seems to be a way to show that you're not stereotypical. Calling yourself "straight-acting" is more about what you're not than what you are.
OMNIA SUNT INGRATA |
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Post: #628516 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 9:31PM |
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Yes you are right, but regardless of what you are saying you are or aren't, stating that me (or others) pointing out that we re not stereotypically gay or camp, means we do not want to be perceived as camp, is wrong, full stop.
I have no issue with effeminate or camp gay men. If my mannerism was not 'straight-acting' or masculine, and in fact camp or effeminate, i would not care.
Assuming that people using this term are insecure, or dislike camp gay gays, is almost as biased and ignorant as homophobia. Its making an assumption based on one fact about one person.
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Post: #628517 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 9:46PM |
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The surprising thing is, i almost entirey agree with the first post.
Dont say or misleading act masculine, if you are effeminate by nature. That i agree.
However, i believe the majority of gay guys that use this phrase mean they are masculine, and simply misuse the phrase.
I think it would be rare to find someone who would actively describe themselves s straight acting, who were naturally effeminate.
Yes, some people will act masculine to hide their feminine or camp persona, but thats sadly because they want to protect themselves from ignorant homophobes, and sadly that is the world we live in. Its blending in, to avoid hostility. And sometimes for some that is the easier way to live their life to avoid trouble.
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Post: #628518 , Mon 19 Mar 12, 10:04PM |
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@mike: I don't think Lex was saying there's anything wrong with gay guys acting masculine. He was saying they should call it what it is, which is masculine. Having "acting straight" means "acting masculine" suggests that masculine=straight (and, therefore, feminine=gay), which perpetuates the stereotype that sexual orientation (gay or straight) has anything to do with personality (masculine or feminine). There's nothing wrong with being masculine or calling yourself masculine, but the problems come in when you equate that with acting straight.
The vast majority of the people who describe themselves (or others) as "straight-acting" aren't actually homophobic, and don't really think about what the word means. But the same can be said about the vast majority of the people who use the word "gay" as an insult. They don't think about how it equates "gay" with "stupid" any more than some people think about how the term "straight-acting" equates "straight" with "masculine", but the term itself is the product of a homophobic society.
The gay community faces the issue of masculine gay men insulting feminine gay men for being too effeminite/stereotypically gay (such as the guy Lex described in the original post), as well as feminine gay men accusing masculine gay men of "not being gay enough", or even just pretending to be masculine out of internalized homophobia, and a desire to be different from other gay guys. Both those mentalities are problems, but they're separate issues from the problem with the term "straight-acting" being used to mean "masculine".
@Lex: Welcome to QA, thanks for sparking this interesting discussion, and sorry if I misinterpreted any of your post. 
Keep your religion out of my bedroom, and I won't have sex in your church.
Don't assume I'm straight, and I won't assume you're gay.
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Edit: theotherside, Tue 20 Mar 12, 12:22AM
Post: #628556 , Tue 20 Mar 12, 12:18AM |
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this morning i woke up put on some gay make up, gay clothes and had a really gay glass of water. then i drove my gay car to campus where i ran my gay ass to stewart hall before i missed my exams. after that i turned in my gay appliction to subway and bought some fries with my gay money. later i went to work as a gay gardener and despite the alliteration its not very glamarous
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Post: #628589 , Tue 20 Mar 12, 1:18AM |
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I think the idea of "straight acting" is sexist, actually. Gay men don't have to be effeminate (which is kind of a sexist concept in and of itself; there's nothing wrong with being a girl, just as there's nothing wrong with being a boy). The idea that there has to be a "man" and a "woman" in a relationship kind of defeats the purpose of same-sex relationships. If a man behaves as less than what's perceived as masculine, that's his choice. He's still a man, and he's still himself.
Gay women don't have to be masculine. People are going to behave how they're going to behave, regardless of who they're attracted to. I'm not masculine in the slightest--unless you count my working out and wearing pants, but this isn't the 50s, thank you--but I identify as gay. This doesn't make me any less gay. I'm just doing what I do.
There's also nothing wrong with being straight. There's nothing wrong with having hetero sex. If a gay identifying person wants to have sex with a member of the opposite sex/gender/whatever, that's their personal choice.
Okay, I'm finished. I'm pretty sure that was better than the paper I wrote for sociology last night.
"Look at all of the little lesbians
frolicking in the snow!" ~Koda
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Post: #628624 , Tue 20 Mar 12, 2:33AM |
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@dominique Why is a gay male not being effeminte a sexist concept?
Your post contradicts itself, unless i mis-read it?
I behave in a masculine way. It is not an act, nor is it forced or a facade to hide anything. It is my natural behavior.
Does that make me sexist? Because suggesting i should be effeminate is simple stereotyping.
Yet, you say later in your post that it is acceptable.
@theotherside The issue of internalised homophobia i understand, and i agree with, however, it should be accepted that, sadly, we all stereotype whether we admit it or not, even unintentionally.
With regards to gay men not wanting to associate or be 'grouped' with the gay, flamboyant, and or effeminate stereotype, then again sadly, i just accept that isnt some peoples scene.
People seem quick to assume that this means the person has a dislike, or fear of association, rather than just no interest.
I don't associate with the gay pride parade, the rainbow, or many things that are associated with stereotyical perception of homosexuality. Why? It is simple, it doesn't appeal or interest me. I have no issues with these things, but its not who i am, naturally.
Homophobia will always exist, just like racism. The people that do this are aware of how they are behaving, and unfortunately i think only time will see a decrease in homophobia, not us telling homophobes that we are normal or equal.
We are different, we are a minority, and bullies always will chose you, as it makes themselves feel more 'normal'. That is life, and no amount of moaning will change that.
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Post: #628653 , Tue 20 Mar 12, 12:20PM |
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While I recognize the term "straight-acting" (and its dogwhistle synonyms "discreet" and "masculine") as essentially homophobic and misogynistic (for complicated reasons), I do accept that there are two distinct groups of people here.
The individual Lex describes as his date is clearly a homophobe and part of a group of gay men who loathe effeminacy and who for this reason posture themselves as masculine; Mike is apparently a member of the second group, which uses the term "straight-acting" without meaning to invoke its offensive connotations. That's great, but the fact remains that it is offensive.
Why would a person feel any compelling need to describe himself using an offensive stereotype? If a black woman told me that she considered herself a "Mammy" and wanted to be identified and described as such, I'd be a little shocked.
It should be enough to say, "I'm a gay man, and I act like a gay man, which is to say I act any way that I want to." Anything else is dishonest or inaccurate or biased.
our home which defines
us is elsewhere but not
so far away we have
forgotten it:
this is just a place.
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Edit: Joe5150, Tue 20 Mar 12, 1:46PM
Post: #628654 , Tue 20 Mar 12, 1:45PM |
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Some people act straight because they aren't ready to out themselves to the world, there is nothing wrong with that, though it is wrong that the male you went out on a date with made fun of the other gay male for being flamboyant. That sort of thing is not right, but also saying gay people shouldn't act straight is kind of taking away their right to be closeted if they want to. People should have that right if they want to, not all people want to tell people they are Gay, Bisexual,or Transgendered. That doesn't mean that because they act straight its wrong. It just means they don't want to be outed at the moment. No one should forcefully be outed against their will.
Sam and Dana <333- 11/01/13<333
"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence can break your heart."-Unknown
"The meaning of life is 'bucket'"-Richard the undead warlock(LFG)
"Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake"- Marty(Here Comes The Boom)
"A pen to a writer is as a sky bison is to an air bender"- me
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Post: #628659 , Tue 20 Mar 12, 2:09PM |
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