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Topic: What are the advantages of being out?
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:: Nyx57
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Can anyone come up with any positives about being out to every body? I can't.
I need both male and female friends in my life. By coming out I would be alienating myself from female friends because they probably wouldn't take too kindly to a cock in the hen house. That would compromise their trust of me if they perceive me to be a perverted sicko. No more being invited over, no more hanging out after school. It's a little difficult to be friends if they're interpreting every act of kindness from you as an unwanted pass at them.
It's hard enough for me to feel safe at school because I was bullied so much in the past. Coming out would make my fears of verbal abuse and violence from other students a real possibility with so much homophobia around.
I'm interested in hearing opposite points of views to mine. Any takers?
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Post: #585103  , Wed 14 Dec 11, 4:36AM |
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I have the same question! I tried to find some answers and this, albeit shallow, is what I came up with: you don't have to play along with checking out the opposite gender, you can start dating... and that's all I got.
However, I'm out to a total of 3 friends, and 2 are girls. I don't think they've had a heartbeat of thought that I might be a "cock" (as you put it, bc I couldn't think of a different word) now, since they always invite me to sleepovers, and I'm actually going to room with 1 of them and her 2 of her other female friends during a trip. But it sounds like the area/situation you are in may be different from where I am.
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Post: #585113 , Wed 14 Dec 11, 5:29AM |
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:: Cinnamon
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
My first thought is that being out makes it far more likely that you'll run into other gay girls who know that a relationship is possible. If you aren't out and someone perceives you as straight who you also believe is straight, then you might miss out on something.
Well... That's just an opinion. For me, constantly failing to tell who the gay girls are, being out probably helps a fair bit.
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Post: #585171 , Wed 14 Dec 11, 10:54AM |
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:: nirvanak
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Relationships
Plus you won't lose friends I'm out and one of my best friends whom is male always kisses me so t's all cool
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Post: #585173 , Wed 14 Dec 11, 10:56AM |
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Depends on the area you live in,
I didn't think my friends would Accept it but i had to do what i had to do.
I didn't want the stress, Only My good friends know, and sadly my family who ignores it or hates it.
Its Different for everyone. You will never know until you do it.
I do find that when your FULLY OUT relationships can be some what easier and less stress because your not trying to hide from anyone.
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Post: #585434 , Thu 15 Dec 11, 5:05AM |
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I think the best part if being out for me, is not having to be like, "Uh, sure, yeah, that guy's cute." when in reality I'm staring at the hot girl next to the person. xD My friends are amazing, they actually adapted to it. For instance, if we're playing 'Kiss or Diss' or a game like that, they'll do both girls and guys, instead of just guys like we do for them. 
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry. -Ernest Hemingway
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Post: #585437 , Thu 15 Dec 11, 5:14AM |
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I agree with Justin!! Depends where you live.
At my school, nobody who matters really care about that. I only have one friend who is homophobic (she's one of my best friends and one person I will never tell unless forced). So far, all of my friends that I have come out to have been completely accepting.
I'm not out to everyone but I know that if I were it'd be a lot better because at my school, once you're out, people will try to understand you before they judge and they will watch what they say more often. I'm getting kind of tired of all of the talk (slightly bad) about lesbians and gays and not being able to say anything (because I don't want to come out now and ruin it for my girlfriend who would probably be outed as soon as I completely came out). I don't like having to smile courteously and look off in the distance when they talk about gays when I'd rather tell them the truth, stand up for all of us, and let them know that we are people.
Please note there is little to no homophobia at my school - it is more of a lack of understanding from them straight folk. ;P
"You're afraid to leave me, but just don't deceive me and please, believe me when I say, "I love you"." - El Tango De Roxanne (Moulin Rouge) :D
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Post: #585441 , Thu 15 Dec 11, 5:27AM |
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I can think of a few...
1) No more pretending just to fit in with others ideas.
2) Relationships *sigh*
3) Being yourself.
^probably more, but I don't know yet.
Anyways, if your friends don't accept you, then they lose an amazing person. But I bet if their really friends they'll accept you, through out everything.
If there ever comes a day
when we can't be together keep me in your heart I'll be there forever.
-Winnie the Pooh
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Post: #586404 , Sat 17 Dec 11, 7:05PM |
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Here's the advantages from my point of view:
-You don't have to hide who you are.
-You get more opportunity for relationships.
-You get to find out who really cares about you for who you are.
-You become closer to your friends (that accept you)
"Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you will join us
And the world will live as one."
~John Lennon
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Post: #586408 , Sat 17 Dec 11, 7:17PM |
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You don't have to act like you're someone you're not. Yeah, people might bully or tease you, but forget them. There are a lot more people who will support you and love you for who you are. It will probably get a lot better. Never give up.
Thanks for making me a fighter!
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Post: #630321 , Sun 25 Mar 12, 8:29PM |
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:: Xeffy
:: QA9 Grand Elder | |
well to put it simply you can start dating people of the same gender if your out. If your in the closet how are the people you're interested gonna know you're an option?
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Post: #630382 , Sun 25 Mar 12, 9:48PM |
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:: AdamP
:: QA8 High Householder | |
The main advantage is that you can just be yourself without having to worry about people finding out.
"There's a thin line between sanity and insanity. My side of the line has a purple sky and talking unicorns; by God do I love sanity.
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Post: #630403 , Sun 25 Mar 12, 10:11PM |
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If you have accepting friends they won't actually look at you like a "cock in the hen house", just lay it out straight (no pun intended) for them and say, "Look, I like girls. But I don't like you guys. You're my friends and you're fantastic, but I'm not attracted to you in that way."
The benefits are : you find out who your true friends are, you don't feel like you're hiding yourself anymore, and other girls might know that you're a dating option now (especially if you look stereotypically straight, being closeted is not going to help you date).
La clarté étrange de ton sourire illumine mon été.
I wish I were a glow worm, a glow worm's never glum. 'Cause how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum?
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Post: #630404 , Sun 25 Mar 12, 10:14PM |
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:: Bree204
:: QA4 A spot of tea please, Alfred! | |
u get to be yourself
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Post: #630407 , Sun 25 Mar 12, 10:30PM |
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:: jamieg25
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
you find out who true friends are
not need to hide who you are
the other gay people wanting you need to know if you are gay
if they hate you because you are gay then who cares - they only like you for being exactly like them so they can screw off
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Post: #630568 , Mon 26 Mar 12, 3:02AM |
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While I agree that relationships are a major advantage to being out, I didn't come out because I wanted a boyfriend. I came out because being who I am is important to me. After I came out, people stopped calling me faggot and queer, simply because they knew that I was and that doing so would get them in trouble. They didn't all stop, some got worse, but being out certainly gave me a better position to stand up for myself and I am much stronger for it.
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Post: #630613 , Mon 26 Mar 12, 6:34AM |
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I'm only out to a very limited group of people, but I've found that there are a few advantages of having them know about my sexual orientation:
- They'll think twice before they make homophobic jokes, insult LGBT people, etc., in front of me. Obviously, I'm still aware that certain people I know have homophobic views, but at least I don't have to put up with it being thrown in my face.
- I can chat and offload to people when I'm dealing with some of the problems that arise from being LGBT. While I don't know any other LGBT people in real life, I do know some straight people who are very sympathetic to LGBT issues. It helps to know that they have that awareness of my situation, and that I can confide in them when I need to.
- I don't have to live with the knowledge that I'm hiding a part of my identity from the important people in my life. As I say, most of the people I know aren't aware of the fact that I'm LGBT. However, it's better to be open with someone than to be open with nobody at all.
- Some people I know have become more receptive to LGBT politics after finding out about my sexual orientation. Through knowing me and discussing my experiences of being LGBT, they've become more keen to ally themselves with LGBT causes. This can only be a good thing, I think.
As an aside, I really sympathise with Caitlin's original 'cock in the hen house' point. It's a reason why I avoid coming out to female friends: even though I'm confident in the fact that I'm not attracted to them, there's always this background worry that straight girls will interpret me coming out as a sign that I'm flirting with them. I find it hard to make friends, so the thought of jeopardising the few friendships I have is rather upsetting!
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Edit: polythenepam, Mon 26 Mar 12, 3:30PM
Post: #630637 , Mon 26 Mar 12, 2:58PM |
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:: rainbows96
:: QA4 A spot of tea please, Alfred! | |
No more hiding who you really are.
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Post: #630744 , Mon 26 Mar 12, 9:10PM |
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