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Topic: I just can't get over this girl
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:: Nyx57
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
So I tumbled hard for this girl at my school over a year ago. She knows I exist. We say hi in the halls and we're on a nickname basis, but since I'm the new girl and people in this town have been best friends since preschool it's difficult for me to get my foot in the door and become good friends with anyone. We're on the soccer team together this year and the more time I spend with her, the more intense my feelings for her become. She's beautiful, extremely intelligent, she works hard and has many interesting hobbies.
I sent her a secret admirer note on Valentine's Day which caused quite a stir.I have an accomplice that helps me keep it all a secret. She and her friends thought it was sweet. As far as I know, no one knows I wrote it. The soccer team has a great fun time trying to get me to spill the beans about who the lucky one is because they love watching me squirm haha. They're not going to give up easily.
I do not know if she is gay or bisexual or not. She spoke of a relationship with a boy in 7th grade and how silly it was, but that's it.
All I want to be close to her and for her to notice if I'm not. It would be nice for her to know how I feel about her, but I fear that would make everything awkward. Sometimes I wish I could just stop feeling this way.
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Post: #494182  , Fri 8 Apr 11, 9:40PM |
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Ohh hun Im so in the same boat as you...and Im really sorry, but Im stuck too. So, I'll hang around 'til someone has some advice 
"Treat everyone the same until you find out they're an idiot.." - Lucy Lawless
"Monsters are real. And ghosts are too. They live inside us. And sometimes, they win." - Stephen King
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Post: #494183 , Fri 8 Apr 11, 9:45PM |
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:: Nyx57
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Bump. Help, please? Anyone? How do I get over her? I feel as though I've fallen off a cliff tumbling and somersaulting out of control and breaking a new bone with each revolution. Climbing back up it is one labourious and painful task.
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Post: #495480 , Tue 12 Apr 11, 3:00AM |
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Um, I got over my ex by having a fight with her that made it easy for me to be mad at her and hate her, which made it a lot easier to get over her. Don't know if that helps...
"Your life is your life. Don't let it be clubbed into dank submission." --Charles Bukowski, "The Laughing Heart"
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Post: #495488 , Tue 12 Apr 11, 3:14AM |
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:: Jenny222
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Omg I so know exactly where you are coming from. Except I'm pretty damn sure that she's straight. So for the moment it's a bit hard to be around her.
What you do depends on whether you want to pursue it anymore or just get over her. If you want to get over her I suggest spending as little time with her as possible (without it being a big thing), and to try to stop that thing where you look around to see if they are there, or what they are doing. Or maybe that's just me... :/
Really time is the answer I'd say. There is nothing else which works quite as well.
Dance
Eat
Love <3
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Post: #495504 , Tue 12 Apr 11, 3:46AM |
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:: Nyx57
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Last summer I tried to stop thinking about her for the whole 2 months of break, but failed miserably. I found myself daydreaming about her pretty much everyday. Ideally, I'd like to become good friends with her. I'm already buddies with her long time best friend, so that's a good start I suppose. Her friend told me I could sit with them anytime I like, but I'm stone cold petrified once *she* comes over and girls smell fear verrry well.
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Post: #495527 , Tue 12 Apr 11, 5:15AM |
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:: L1NK
:: QA3 Getting cosy | |
Maybe the males perspective is less appreciated but I just went through a similar situation without the sexual preferences but with a complete uncertainty of feelings. It's probably best to just take it from a clearer path *don't try and be a close friend unless you want to be a close friend*. I made that mistake and now I'm stuck as a close friend. I know it's weird to talk aboot but it's better to go for the gold early then to work for months with no chance. As for if you want her just as a close friend then treat her the same as any other and hope for the best rather than forcing it...this doesn't sound that convincing but it's my vote since I've gone through many a situation similar to this one...
Toodles
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Post: #496401 , Fri 15 Apr 11, 4:55AM |
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Yo you have 5 options. They are arranged in order of effectiveness at achieving your stated and implied goals.
1. Tell her you like her (this will help you get over her by either a. facilitating GETTING her, in your pants that is or b. prompting a rejection from her, and nothing is more of a turn off than when they aren't into you back).
2. DO hang out around her and talk to her and initiate hanging out outside of school with her, DO BE awkward around her and accept that you will be awkward, with the realization that everyone is awkward and some people love awkward, and the entirely realistic expectation that this will lead to you becoming closer friends
3. Immediately cut off all contact with her (an excellent way of getting over someone, but perhaps not your first choice for a plan of action)
4. Join a GSA (school-specific, local, or city-wide) and do gay stuff and meet some other totally lesbo girl who is also awesome and obviously ghey. This may help you get over her or it may not.
5. Do nothing. You will probably continue falling for her. Additionally you will never become her close friend. You will exist in a torturous state of limbo until you guys graduate, unless you go to the same university, in which case your life sucks
So, there's about one of these that you SHOULD immediately eliminate, and there's one of them that you will probably voluntarily eliminate though I do not endorse or condemn elimination of said option, and there's one that can coexist with the 2 remaining options (hint, the coexister is #4). So, that leaves you with 2 freakin' options. If it's that's hard, flip a coin ;).
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Edit: thefuzz, Fri 15 Apr 11, 5:10AM
Post: #496403 , Fri 15 Apr 11, 5:07AM |
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I'm finding myself in a similar situation. I think I like one of my closest friends. I just feel totally electric whenever I'm around her and I wish I could tell her how I feel but unfortunately
a. She has a boyfriend who is VEEERYY "traditional"
b. Her family has very severe views on homosexuality and how unacceptable it is, so even if she by some miracle DID feel the same way, she'd never be able to face it.
It's killer.
"Smile, for now you have me at your feet, ready to set your heart on fire."-V.C. Andrews
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Post: #496405 , Fri 15 Apr 11, 5:29AM |
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:: L1NK
:: QA3 Getting cosy | |
I am filled with unjustifiable rage thefuzz. I thought I was going to have an appreciated, nice comment and you had to ruin it by mushrooming *1-uping* me...full of hatred...i...is?
Toodles
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Post: #496406 , Fri 15 Apr 11, 5:31AM |
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:: Nyx57
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Thanks, Fuzz. That post was very helpful. I think I like option number 2 the best 
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Post: #496428 , Fri 15 Apr 11, 1:56PM |
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Fuzz, you are amazing.
Good luck Caitlin!
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Post: #496433 , Fri 15 Apr 11, 2:40PM |
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:: Nyx57
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
UPDATE: The friend of the one person who knew and was helping me put her in the ultimate ultimatum and now I will be forced to take Fuzz's option #1 and it's not going to be pretty... As if it's not bad enough being outed against your will, it's worse when the object of your affection to know about it. I fear her reaction. How should I handle this?
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Post: #502260 , Fri 29 Apr 11, 4:05AM |
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All the advice I can give is that you need to look her in the eye (as hard as it will be), keep your back straight, keep your head held high, and say it clearly. Don't slump or look away from her, and don't say it too low. You don't want to be looking like you're expecting a rejection, and that way she can see you are being serious and honest about it. Look her in the eye until she answers, and don't back down on trying to get an answer (but don't be pushy about). If she accepts your confession,  YAY!! If not, tell that you're glad that you told her so you don't have to keep it a secret anymore and that you want to be friends still and that you hope that she wants to stay friends, too. Also remember to still keep your back straight, your head held high, and eye contact.
I hope this helps!
Love,
Lore
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Post: #502266 , Fri 29 Apr 11, 4:26AM |
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:: Nikeu
:: QA3 Getting cosy | |
Hey, I don't know if you're still using this, but my advice to you is to go for it. I've discovered something very valuable, and it's helped me do things that I wouldn't have normally risked doing. I discovered that people hardly ever regret what they do, but they almost ALWAYS regret what they don't do. I'm sure you don't want to look back 10 years from now and wounder what could have been if only you would have risked it. I'm not saying it'll be easy...or painless, for that matter, but it's torture going through life wondering what might have been.
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Post: #502271 , Fri 29 Apr 11, 4:40AM |
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:: Nyx57
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
"People never regret what they did but almost always regret what they didn't do." That's very interesting, I will give it a lot of thought. Though, I'm 100% nothing will become of it but my hurt feelings. It's out of my hands now. My friend squawked so I'm going to have to face the music regardless.
It's likely that she will confront me about it. Should I apologize to her? I have my apology speech all planned out in my head.
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Post: #502281 , Fri 29 Apr 11, 7:54AM |
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You shouldn't apologize for what you felt because that's like saying sorry that you were born. Feelings just happen they can't be controlled so don't worry or feel guilty. You haven't done anything wrong except try and get over her. She can't blame you for feeling somethin gwhen you really couldn't control it.
"Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. It is a weapon unique in history, which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals."
"If man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live."
I LOVE NERDS!!
http://www.mindistortion.tv/winthewar/?myleader=1
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Post: #502360 , Fri 29 Apr 11, 2:31PM |
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:: Nikeu
:: QA3 Getting cosy | |
I think the only person who should be apologizing is the person who outed you before you were ready. And you never know, maybe it'll be for the best whatever way it turns. Maybe she'll feel the same and you guys can be together, and if she doesn't return the feels then maybe that can just mean that there is someone out there waiting for you. Someone that will be even more amazing. Try and be optimistic, things will turn out for the best even when you can't see it. Believe me, I've been there and I know how painful it is.
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Post: #502511 , Fri 29 Apr 11, 8:18PM |
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I had/have a similar predicament w/ a boy i like in my school. I worked with him during soccer season this school year and, at first, it was kind of a "hey, he's kinda neat" feeling. That "neat" feeling turned into a "he's beautiful" feeling, then "he's gorgeous" and finally "i want him". I approached him afterschool one day and told him my feelings for him, stupid i know. He said it was "cute" but didn't say anymore than that. After a few days, i felt he didn't quite understand just how much these feelings were effecting me. So i wrote him a letter, explaining how my feelings for him were affecting my everyday life. After i gave him the letter, the problems i'd encountered- slight audio and visual hallucinations of him, inability to speak around him, etc- got even worse. I decide to talk w/ my school's GSA counsellor. She tried to hav me talk to the boy, in her office, but i couldn't speak out of embarassment and tears. After she explained my situation to him, the boy told me that he'd been bullied in his old school for being sympathetic to people like me. He even put his arm around me for a few seconds. Hope i didn't ramble on too long.  pride forever baby!!
"It's better to burp and taste it, than fart and waste it!"
-Larry the Cable Guy
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything!" -Wiseman(Scott Glenn) in Sucker Punch
"You Jezebel! I pray George Lucas drowns you in his white man gold!"-very good friend of mine texted that to a guy who was pissing him off
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Post: #502705 , Sat 30 Apr 11, 1:15AM |
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:: mrdg123
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
sigh... if only there were an iPhone app that would tell you whether or not a person likes you... :/ I'm in the same situation... I'm super in love with this guy but idk his sexuality so I'm afraid to even try to ask him out... he's had a girlfriend  but that doesn't really mean anything. I'm thinking of leaving him a note asking him to post a sticky note on his locker if he's gay. I like him soo muchh!!! It hurts!!!
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Post: #502766 , Sat 30 Apr 11, 4:35AM |
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