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J♥sh Send J♥sh a private message
:: HeartsBlast
:: QA10 Community God
QA Member's Avatar
Bright white lights scar my eyes,
Twisting rites of shedding blood;
Maybe he won’t even bother to
Throw out my body

With a thud,
It slumps on the ground;
The toil was too much
And I couldn’t pay the toll;
Next time reincarnate,
Next time sublime,
Never to be overused again

The realization:
A pill I cannot swallow;
It goes down dry,
Partially disintegrated before
Departure to my stomach;
Bitter taste on my tongue,
Wash it down!
Why does the color of love have to be red
When Ours
Is every single color in between?
  Post: #289103 Link to this post, Wed 7 Oct 09, 11:39PM
~*Sunshine*~ Send ~*Sunshine*~ a private message
:: imagine99
:: QA10 Community God
QA Member's Avatar
There were a lot of lines I really liked in this;

"Maybe he won’t even bother to
Throw out my body"

I feel I can relate. >.< Maybe the way in which I relate to them is not the meaning you meant as you wrote it, but... in some form or another, I felt a sort of connection with that.

"Next time reincarnate,
Next time sublime,
Never to be overused again"

Some more lines I really liked.

One thing that really isn't related to the poem itself, when I read 'toil' at first, I thought it said 'toll' and then re-read it and corrected myself. Then in the next line there was the word 'toll' Emoticon: Tongue :p I just found it interesting.

Overall, I like the way you worded things and as I said with your other people, there was also really nice imagery.

Thanks for sharing :3
  Post: #289107 Link to this post, Wed 7 Oct 09, 11:53PM
J♥sh Send J♥sh a private message
:: HeartsBlast
:: QA10 Community God
QA Member's Avatar
Yay! Thanks for your your input =D
Why does the color of love have to be red
When Ours
Is every single color in between?
  Post: #289110 Link to this post, Wed 7 Oct 09, 11:57PM
lesbiangirl Send Cancelled by user a private message
:: lesbiangirl
:: QA9 Grand Elder
QA Member's Avatar
Great job!!!! Emoticon: Grin :D
"I don't miss you, I miss the person I thought you were"
  Post: #289115 Link to this post, Thu 8 Oct 09, 12:01AM
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