Just need to talk?
UK: Childline on
0800 1111
US: Trevor Project on
866 488 7386
|
Topic: Long-Distance Relationships (Your Experiences)
Posts
 |
 |
This thread is for sharing your expereinces of long-distance relationships.
See Long-Distance Relationships (Your Views) to express your opinions on them. |
I'm in a long-distance relationship at the moment w/ Sam (videk_2010). We've been doing this "officially" since....I'm not quite sure when it started. I wanna say around Aug. or Sept.
I live in Connecticut, USA. He's in NSW, AU. We're 10,118 miles apart. And honestly, I've never been happier. It takes a lot of work, a lot of trust, and a bit of compromising. He flew here and spent a week at my house in December, and it was incredible. I hopefully will be staying w/ him for a couple weeks in July. We keep making sure that there's something to look forward to, so we don't start to lose hope. We've also agreed that we want each other to be as happy as possible, so we've kept it open; it's completely fine to both of us if one or the other dates a person closer to home, as long as we're honest about the relationships to everyone involved.
That setup may not work for some people. I had another LDR where we kept it monogamous, and it was fantastic for 7 months of flirting + official relationship-ness. It's a lot harder, but it's still really fantastic as long as there's trust and openness about everything.
"Yawp!" -Dead Poets Society
|
|
Post: #460971  , Fri 28 Jan 11, 1:11AM |
|
|
I never stayed faithful. I said all the sweet right things on the phone and was appreciative of his kindness back....but I was acting like a tramp and slept around....accusing him of doing the same cause I figured he did if I did.
Trust is key. Im not saying not too but if ya really love and trust this person go for it. But it cant be long distance forever....just temporary otherwise dont waste your time.....you deserve better and someone who will be there physically for you.
"Anger is a letter short of Danger"
|
|
Post: #471941 , Sun 20 Feb 11, 1:26PM |
|
|
I was in one for six indescribable months. It absolutely destroyed me giving up, because I really felt I met what any other person would call a soul mate. I still don't know why I gave up if she means this much to me. We still love each other and are recovering, or at least I am.
It takes a lot of patience, which I didn't have enough of. Plans kept changing all because of not having a whole lot of money and because we both are fairly indecisive. We never had a problem with trust; I knew she wouldn't stray and she knew the same of me. I was constantly jealous of her ex, who she is best friends with. To be in a relationship with someone long distance, be prepared for the worst and the best. Make sure you're willing to commit, or it may end badly.
One very deep-seeded problem about me is that I am insecure beyond belief about my body, and having someone that loved me for me was both amazing and terrifying. I'd kept thinking that when she'd seen me, she'd change her mind about spending her life with me. Even now I still think it. So, I'm guessing being comfortable is a given here.
Praise to all that can make it work.
|
|
Post: #472017 , Sun 20 Feb 11, 6:19PM |
|
|
I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months on and off. At first it was ok because we were only in separate parts of country and even then we were only just over an hour and half apart so it meant that I could still sort of see him even though doing so was extremely awkward and we were constantly on the phone, and so it lasted for nearly two months.
But then he moved to Germany and that was the first time we broke up because, well, looking back I think I was sort of looking for an excuse to do so but at the time I told myself that it was becuase I was missing him too much. Anyways the dynamics of the relationship completely shifted.
When we did finally get back together we would fight all the time because he didn't trust me. I in turn would get frustrated because ironically I felt like I was being suffocated by him. Don't get me wrong when it was good, it was good but as time when on and we saw less of each other we began to run out of things to really talk about and as I remember things would quickly get nasty again. It felt like we spent half our time at each others throats. I eventually discovered (courtesy of a mutual acquaintance) that the reason he had become so possessive was because he was for all effects and purposes been using me. It turned out that around a month after he landed in Germany unbeknown to me,he had begun dating another girl. It totally shattered me, I had never felt so used or low in my entire life and I still don't gully trust guys. I know not every guy is going to do the same thing but the shield goes up automatically.
If you want to have a long distance relationship go ahead but make sure you know exactly who you are getting into a relationship with before you do so. You really have to love, trust and be faithful to each other because otherwise the distance will shatter you.
"If a writer falls in love with you, you will never be forgotten."
|
|
Post: #478347 , Sat 5 Mar 11, 11:57PM |
|
|
I think they could only work out in the long run if you have an intention of meeting in the future.
It's not fair to put yourself in a situation like that. You'd be practically attached to your computer or cellphone.
|
|
Post: #479094 , Mon 7 Mar 11, 3:29AM |
|
|
I've posted on this thread before, however, I would like to post again. I posted months ago and seeing as we're still together, I feel it's time for an experience update.  As of now, my gf and I have been together for a day over 11 amazing months.
I can tell you from experience, it truly can work. It may take effort but so does every serious relationship. Some of the keys, I would have to say are communication, trust and serious dedication and/or loyalty. All of those qualities as well as others are so important!
Anyways, since, we've visited each other a few times. We've had amazing times talking and video chatting. And we've had a few tough times, too. As a short summary, that is.
I wish you the best of luck if you're in an LDR!
|
|
Post: #479109 , Mon 7 Mar 11, 3:58AM |
|
|
Currently in a long distance relationship, and I have had others in the past.
In my experience it depends on how likely you and the person are to meet (in addition to the obvious stuff like getting along and being able to trust someone).
My previous long distance relationship ended when we both realized that we wouldn't get to see each other in the forseeable future so we both ended it so that we could find someone close.
He and I still talk actually, a really close friend of mine. So even if it falls through you may still get a good friend from it.
|
|
Post: #491720 , Sat 2 Apr 11, 11:17PM |
|
|
As for my own personal experiences lol (wrong thread fail)
I have been in two that i would call serious. One now, one in the past.
The one before ended due to a mutual realization but we are still close friends and talk all the time.
The one I am in now is amazing, and he is actually visiting this Fridy!
|
|
Post: #491722 , Sat 2 Apr 11, 11:19PM |
|
|
Well I've been in a long distance relationship for like nearly 10 months if I think back on it (wow so long?) Well he lived in Las Vegas, and I live in Munich, so it was a really long distance. It was incredible at first and he made me feel special all the time and sent little presents and stuff. then finally after bout 6 months or so I finally flew over there to meet him. It was really great at first, but there were times when I felt he was suffocating me, and when I asked for some space he just got all insecure and what not. Planned was I'd stay there 2,5 weeks, lol it became 3 weeks then cause there was this ash cloud and I couldn't fly back.
I had the most amazing time these three weeks and most of the time he was really sweet. But after I went home that's when it kinda didn't start working anymore. I got a lot of migraine and stuff it was becomming unhealthy for me to try and please him, because sometimes I didn't feel it was who I was. He was really complicated himself and his homelife wasn't easy either. Well first it was just hard cause we missed each other really badly, but as I am not a person who likes to speak on the telephone very much, we mostly chatted. It was planned that I'd fly over again at the end of July (last year) and spend two months with him. Everything was aranged and all was great. I was really looking forward to it, but I was already beginning to doubt us. I thought well I'd fly over and we'll see if we can figure it out, and if we can't we could still be friends right?
WEll three weeks before my flight has been he broke up with me for some stupid non reasonable reasons. I was devastated and thought I wouldn't do a long distance relationship ever again.
The funny thing was I was devastated at first, but after a really short time I realised how much better I felt in total without having to worry to please him and to make him happy. My migraine was gone and I had some very important people in my life who helped me through it.
Well now I'm in a long distance relationship again, as probably most of you already know ;-) but I've never been happier. I finally feel apreciated for who I am. I can be myself and I'm not pressured to talk on the phone or to skype. First time it was just her talking and me just writing back, and the second time we skyped for nearly 2 hours with video and I was even talking, it felt so natural all of a sudden and I didn't want it to stop.
Sorry for my long ramblings, what I guess I wanted to say I had a bad experiance, and right now I'm having a really good one and I'm happy
|
|
Post: #493736 , Thu 7 Apr 11, 6:48PM |
|
|
I have been in a long-distance relationship with the same girl on and off for the past three years. During our off-stages, I have been with many different people. Each relationship of mine had been a failure. The only relationship that ever worked for me was the long-distance one.
She and I never argued or fought but my trust issues ruined it. I never believed a word she said because everything seemed too good to be true. Each time I ended up leaving her to be with someone else because I wanted to take the easy way out.
LDRs are hard because you don't necessarily have the physical/emotional intimacy you get from regular relationships. And trust is often difficult. But recently I realized something: she is the one for me. I have never been strong enough, confident enough to keep us going. No matter what I did to her, she has supported me. During the hardest times in my life she's been there for me. I never want to lose her, she's my life. I never want to let her go.
When I told my friends I finally realized she's the One, they didn't believe me because I've never made it work before. But I am completely ready now. I've decided to move to her town in Colorado and attend college there. I want to live with her forever. <3
|
|
Post: #497192 , Sun 17 Apr 11, 11:37PM |
|
|
My last relationship was with someone who lived about 40-50 minutes away. We lasted for about a year and 4 months. It was definitely a strain, especially since we started to have conflicting schedules (school, work, etc.), so our time together deteriorated. Plus I was realizing a lot of flaws with our relationship, and I felt the distance was going to make it difficult to fix things.
LDRs can work, it just really depends on the balance between the two individuals.
|
|
Post: #500041 , Sun 24 Apr 11, 9:46PM |
|
|
I'm going on 8 months with my girlfriend. We live 400 miles away from each other. We're only in high school so it's hard for us to see each other but we've managed to see each other twice. Once for a few days and another for a week. So far nothing's wrong with our relationship. We're working on seeing each other this summer again, hopefully for a long time. I'd say we're doing really good right now cause I know of a lot of other ld couples that have gone a long time but never met or vise versa
|
|
Post: #505735 , Mon 9 May 11, 2:04AM |
|
|
:: Emms
:: QA9 Grand Elder | |
me and my lady have been dating for about a year and a half... met in the same town lol, we literally lived down the street from each other...
but about 2 months ago she moved to Jo'burg (+-800km away) and now well we having a long distance relationship... Its really hard but I trust her and I love her, and I know it will work but I am really scared... any advice?
A Life lived in fear is a life half lived...
|
|
Post: #506208 , Tue 10 May 11, 5:41PM |
|
|
:: Lynn
:: QA10 Community Goddess | |
It was the best, most obsessive, most intense, and probably most unhealthy relationship of my life. I am fairly certain that if it wasn't long-distant, it could have worked. To begin with, it was so nice, we were so similar and we just clicked so perfectly. Because of how emotional the whole thing was, we would have days where one thing would be said that would offend the other, and the person would feel horrible for the rest of the day. It was a little childish in a way, but it was more addicting than anything I have ever experienced. It was like, for the first time in my life, I was truly afraid to lose someone.
Eventually, it started to deteriorate, I was insecure and she needed space. She wanted to hang with friends and I felt like I needed her there. I became clingy and she became distant. There reached a point where pretty much anything she said seemed to hurt me because I wanted more. We broke up because of family issues but right away started talking again and got back together in two weeks. I was still insecure and needy and she was still distant so you can imagine how that went. We would have mini fights almost every night, talk about breaking up and just being friends. I think I cried every night for about three weeks because of those.
Eventually, something really messed up happened, and with my already present insecurity, I really had a hard time fully trusting her. We stayed together for another two weeks after that, her feeling horrible, me telling her it was okay although it wasn't, me being clingy, and eventually, her pushing me almost completely out of her life. Before I ended it, it really didn't feel like we were together. All the questions I asked, "how was your day?" or "are you okay?" was greeted with one word answers or something like that. She kept partying, she still hung out with the guy, she still drank, and that is when I knew it was over. I cried almost constantly for a week before I decided that it was too much and broke it off. Right away I regretted it, wanted her back, and felt like I messed it up.
I can't say if I am happier now, but I am more self aware and I have more respect for myself. I suppose that it was almost like a growing experience, and I can say I actually experienced love now which I couldn't before. It still hurts a little I would have to say and I am still struggling to respect her wishes of just friends. :/ It is fairly hard, but I am working at it.
Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Love is the poetry of the senses. ~Honoré de Balzac
|
|
Edit: Lynn, Tue 10 May 11, 6:04PM
Post: #506214 , Tue 10 May 11, 6:01PM |
|
|
:: penguin
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
My first relationship was with a girl from the other side of the country. I think that we would of lasted longer if we saw each other often. Not a lot longer, since we broke up mostly because of boredom, but being unable to meet was a catalyst.
Maybe it's just the disappointment speaking, but I wouldn't recommend having a long distance relationship... It gets kinda tedious.
I wish I was smart enough to come up with a funny signature...
|
|
Post: #506215 , Tue 10 May 11, 6:05PM |
|
|
I have been with my girlfriend for four years. She lives in Colorado & I live in Tennessee. We have never met in person before but I'm flying out to spend 2 weeks with her June 13th
Now, we are totally crazy in love. But we have definitely had some problems because of the distance. She cheated on me... it isn't easy but just like any other relationship, if it's meant to be it will be.
|
|
Post: #506472 , Wed 11 May 11, 12:37AM |
|
|
I used to think I wouldn't be able to stick an LDR, because of the lack of there-ness. You can't cuddle or kiss or hold hands or meet up at the drop of a hat.
But I've been with my amazing Max for just over two months now. While that might not seem long (it certainly doesn't feel it), and the distance (about 3hours) can be difficult, we have managed it so far and there's no signs of that stopping. We're looking forward to the day when we can meet up more than anything; but in the meantime, we make do with the internet/texts/phone calls for hours almost every day.
I think really, the two most important things in an LDR are the same as in a SDR - Trust and Communication. And if you both want it to work, it will work.
and I certainly love my froggy enough to want it to
"It's better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not"
~ Kurt Cobain
|
|
Post: #509529 , Fri 20 May 11, 12:52PM |
|
|
:: rarah
:: QA8 High Householder | |
I was in a long distance relationship from November of 2009 until February of 2011. It is hard, but if you love the person and you know that they're worth it and you want to be with them, then it's completely worth it. My boyfriend and I have been living together for over 3 months now, and it has been absoutly perfect. =]
|
|
Post: #509538 , Fri 20 May 11, 3:16PM |
|
|
I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over 8 months. I've known her for 7 years, and she's been one of my best friends (and still is) for that entire time. She was the one that 'turned me' gay, if that's what you want to call it.  It wasn't until after I moved away that I realized how much she meant to me, and for the past 8 months we've been figuring out together how to maintain a relationship with 250 miles between us.
It hasn't been easy, not by a long shot. I can't count all of the times that we've fought. It's gotten a lot better recently, though, because we're learning to not be controlling and trust eachother. We've also figured out that we just can't talk every second. At first, we texted constantly. We'd talk on the phone for hours. But this backfired on us; we would get so sick of talking for the sake of talking that we would just fight. There were so many times where we almost broke up. But neither of us were willing to let go, and because of that, we've had a great relationship.
I'm scared for when we go to college next year, because we'll be even farther apart, and college presents a whole new load of obsticles and things that will make it hard to talk and see eachother. We see eachother about every month or so right now, but we've gone for as many as 3 without seeing eachother.
Long distance relationships CAN work. You just have to put the time and energy into making them work. The biggest things, I think, are trust and communication. And I don't mean talk as much as possible, whenever possible. My girlfriend and I have gotten much more out of talking less and being completely honest with eachother, instead of just chatting about nothing meaningful for hours on end. Also, why should anyone trust you if you're not a trustworthy person? It's easy to say 'trust me', but that's hard for a person to do if they have an actual reason not to trust you. Be the kind of person that can be trusted, and it'll work.
That's my insightful thought of the day. Peace.
|
|
Post: #512963 , Sun 29 May 11, 11:37PM |
|
|
:: kg55
:: QA5 Having the neighbours round | |
Long distance can be really hard. I dated this one girl who lived in a different city and it was difficult because we didn't get to see each other very often and the spark that was there when we met went away. Hope it helps
|
|
Post: #513891 , Thu 2 Jun 11, 4:58AM |
|
|
 |
 |
LIKE THIS PAGE
|
Who's Online
Last 15 mins: 14 guests, 6 members: Moonstone, youshouldknow, treesandstars, Lynn, Embraceurself, PDQ2 QA Ethos
Above all else, QA should be a friendly community. Contact us when our Terms are broken.
Events and promos
Check out
The Official QA Blog
|
Dying my hair!
Lily Helena Knight
Things that grow
My new life
Trip to the zoo!
As the Sakura Fall #1
Alone
How to know when you like a guy.
![M is on a mission, indefinitely [Avatar]](images/?img=avatars/9110wee.jpg?i=2){kind=small}
![lynn is finally changing her profile for a fortnight [Avatar]](images/?img=avatars/9381wee.jpg?i=0){kind=small}
![Blake is happy, indefinitely [Avatar]](images/?img=avatars/9370wee.jpg?i=5){kind=small}
![Sar is really really happy =], indefinitely [Avatar]](images/?img=avatars/7351wee.jpg?i=0){kind=small}
