Blog Entry: life is the most complicated form of simplicity...

life is the most complicated form of simplicity... FIRST OF ALL. xD I don't know why I put that picture. Cuz i'm crazy? xD cuz i feel like it somehow awkwardly matches the mood of this entry? i dunno. xD

Aaaaalright...so. I don't really know why...well wait yes I do. But well...for a reason...I'm feeling really pretty nostalgic. xD So...well. This blog will be a boring entry prolly if you're not me. But ahh well...I gotta get this out of my system. xD

So....I guess chronological order would be nice. First of all I guess then, is I miss childhood. It was pretty much awesome. Playing Lion King with my sisters and my cousin, walking down to that creek/river thingy, dancing naked out on the deck, running down that biiiiig hill by holling heights elementary, digging "baths" at the beach...just so many things that I'm NOT listing...everything. I miss it all so much.

Then...kinda gets to 7th grade, which wasn't such a hot time for me...xP I miss Karla being my stepmom, which, dad and she got divorced in like august of 7th grade...I miss my old friends from elementary school, who just kinda faded out of my life at middle school...I miss...other stuff...all kinds of things really. It really sucks...

But then, fast forward to early this year...mid February maybe? I decided I MUST be bi...since I was pretty sure I liked girls. Then. March. The 25th to be exact. I joined QA, as a lesbian. A couple nights later...I got the courage to go into the chat. I ALMOST didn't do it. I'm shy when I first meet people, usually. I ALMOST chickened out. But I went in...and found there to be extremely nice people...including a certain awesome someone...<333 So many details from that day until now...are some of my greatest memories. And they're all flooding through my head now...it's almost scary, cuz it's like one of those things like where your life supposedly flashes before your eyes when you die or whatever? I don't want it to mean that. But for some reason I'm feeling EXTREMELY nostalgic, all these memories make me so happy but at the same time a little sad that they are over. But the sad part is quick to disappear, because every day more and more memories are being added to that...more and more moments that I'm going to treasure for forever...so...I don't know. I guess remembering these memories just makes me smile, but also makes my heart ache a bit...I don't know why, just they do.

The first day...we chatted about Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend"...xD I remember, the little stuff we did...the skateboard that caused the first "dying" and lead to the first "revival of cpr/hugs" and all that...xD and how I could never spell "hate"...I always typed "hat". And just all this little things, all these memories...then that day...when I realized "omg...does she really...maybe...like ME?" and admitting it and all...and of course the 21st...<333 I remember EXACTLY how it happened that day...it was so awesome...and then the days after it, we were just so shy...xD and just...I miss all that...I miss all these memories...all these sweet times...but now we're here...5 months later...and we still have these awesome little moments, sweet, romantic little memories and stuff...just a reminder of no matter what's in the past, new stuff keeps happening, life keeps going on, and you gotta hold on to those precious memories...part of the reason why I love to journal. I can look back and say "oh...gosh...I remember that..." and it's just so awesome. and then, when you're done looking back on things, you can turn back to here and now, and realize that it's those moments that got you to where you now stand. And someday, where you're standing now will be another memory you look back on, and you'll be standing somewhere else, realizing that though you'll never be exactly where you were before, there's still things to see and there's still a ways to go, and you step forward again and this realization becomes another memory you've only just passed by...and really, all you've learned is memories are memories, but they still happened and you're still moving, making more.

I guess that was a little deeper than i had originally intended. and MUCH longer. xD but...eh. xD I guess my point is...while i miss memories a TON...i LOVE where i am now, and how those memories have influenced me and my friends and everyone...and just...life is just so simple. but it's the most complicated simplicity i know. xD