Blog Entry: It's gonna end soon...

It's gonna end soon... My friend, the one I've ranted about so many times, the one I was hopelessly in love with for too many years, has basically given me a summons. We're meeting for ice cream on friday to "clear the air."

Joy of all joys.

Intellectually, I know that if I tell her what I really feel, she'll be crushed. She doesn't need to hear all my bitter thoughts carried over from two years ago. At the same time, I just want to scream at her how she's hurt me.

I'm not the kind of person who easily stays cool and collected. I wish I could be.

I figured out why I'm jealous of her boyfriend. It's not that I want to be with her now, because I don't. Not in the slightest.

I wish I had been at some point though. She's giving him a part of herself that I never saw. And I hate that.

She pushed me away when I tried to get close. And now that I'm trying to leave, she's chasing after me. I feel angry and betrayed.

To be honest, I don't know why she still wants me in her life. I think I've been the worst friend I could possibly be the last few months, maybe in an effort to get her to go away.

God, I feel like a terrible person.

I'm not sure if I like that or not.