Blog Entry: Consciously..

Consciously.. It's incredible when a person understands that they've given up. There's that whoosh of air and a feeling of falling--not from the sky, not from a cliff. It's two feet to a soft pillow that has been waiting for me, bathed in the afternoon sunlight that lands in squares from the window.

The reality is strong: no gain from surrendering to the easy comfort. It feels fact that I am missing hours better spent moving ahead.

But I am tired... I am alone in the ways that make it difficult to feel beautiful and learn history, of new subjects outside of snow kisses and fantasy situations. The pillow is bliss against my young brain. Although I regret the manner in which I chose to recharge, today I will lift myself off the boat, the waves, instead of attempting to build a bigger one, as Buddha would do.

My human nature will win today. If I need to say sorry, I will; I will soon. But I need a break like a train haulting in its tracks. Abrupt. Thoughtless. Necessary.

It's the only way I learn.