Members Log in

Auto-login (2 weeks)
register now!
forgot your details?

Just need to talk?

UK: Childline on
0800 1111

US: Trevor Project on
866 488 7386

Mainpage » Gay teen blogs » Blog Entry: Shy Strong

Blog Entry: Shy Strong

Entry

Shy Strong I've recently come to terms with the fact that I am shy. This word has always held a negative undertone for me, and for many others as well.

There has never been a question of whether or not I was shy. As early as age 4, I refused to speak even when spoken to. This, I think, has a lot to do with my insecurities about being disabled. I've always felt that people were judging me, and my typical reaction to social situations is dread. I wish the ground would just swallow me up.

But now I'm beginning to accept my shyness. It's a character trait that does not necessarily need to be negative. I can say, "I'm shy," and try to take pride in it. My social anxiety doesn't have to hold me back. Rather, I can try to overcom eit.

Being "shy strong" means that you are shy, but at the same time you are comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. You're not necessarily the life of the party, but you're the cool kid sitting with ease in a group of people, observing and adding to the good vibe of the party. People are drawn to someone like this, because they feel that they're easy to talk to and very comfortable with themselves. And whenever they speak, everyone listens.

This is what I'm trying to be. I actually think I'm close to this persona, but I'd have to gain the courage to ask someone who sees me often what they think of me in social situations. I'd like to give off a vibe of confidence and quiet strength, rather than socially awkward and edgy around company.

Tonight, my parents are away and my brother is bringing over friends and a few girls I've never met. I'm so anxious that I almost got sick. So this is what I'm going to do to chase off this anxiety. I'm going to get myself comfortable with the situation.

1. My brother is bringing over friends, and I'm scared.

2. Why am I scared? I'm afraid that they'll judge me. I'm afraid that I won't be able to hold a conversation with anyone. They'll think I'm weird. I'll freeze up as usual and won't be able to speak. Everyone will know I'm awkward. It'll be so devastating that I'll lose so much confidence, and I'll never be able to be around people again. And I'll embarrass my brother.

3. Do I have to do this? Yes. Why? Because I'm tired to hiding from people because I'm scared. I tired of sitting alone, online, or reading, because I'm afraid that someone will judge me. I want to make new friends, or at least meet new people. I want to be known as cool and confident, and maybe even funny.

4. I choose to stay downstairs and hang out with my brother and his friends tonight. I know that I'm a cool, sweet, fun person who they would all like to know. I won't take from the party, but I'll add fun to it. They'll be happy for my company. They see me as Tyler's cool little sister, and my brother will have a good time before he leaves for the army.

5. I'm visualizing myself tonight. I'll be shy strong and charismatic. Even charming. I'll add to the conversation, maybe even make some easy jokes that people will laugh at. I'll only get a bit tipsy, not drunk. This may help me feel good enough to relax, but even if I decide not the drink, I'll be visibly relaxed and comfortable with myself. I'll be involved in the conversation, and will have a much better time than I would if I'd decided to hide upstairs and watch TV all night.

Now I feel way better.

And if you're also socially anxious and shy, I suggest this process. Emoticon: Smile :) It really works.

Just state what's making you anxious. Then state your fears, both rational and irrational. Tell yourself that you need to do this, and why. Consciously choose to go through with it, and state why you're choosing this. Then, visualize yourself in the most flattering light during this situation.

Anyway, I'm very glad I was able to come to terms with this. Wish me luck in this party tonight.
views: 457 responses: 60
posted by jdbullet23 on Saturday 20 July 2013 at 1:03AM

BlogResponse

Back to Topics Register
< Previous   |   Pages: 1   |   Next >
:: Shy_Blossomer
:: QA10 Community God
Sam is a happy panda :D [Avatar]
I'm glad you've been able to become comfortable with being shy. It's a tough thing to do, it was hard for me to do, but it feels amazing when you do. I will try that the next time I get anxious or socially anxious. You're an amazing and strong person Alexis Emoticon: Smile :) that's one of the most beautiful things about you, and just keep being the beautiful, strong and amazing woman you are. Being shy strong adds to that even more Emoticon: Smile :) I hope everything goes well with your brother's friends coming over.
A pen is to a writer as a sky bison is to an Airbender. It's just meant to be.
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.-Edgar Allen Poe
  Post: #721196 Link to this post, Sat 20 Jul 13, 2:17AM
:: jdbullet23
:: QA9 Grand Elder
Alexis is laughing, indefinitely [Avatar]
Thanks so much, Sam. Emoticon: Smile :) That means a lot to me.

Yeah, it's better to feel good about yourself for being shy rather than beat yourself up about it. It's just another character trait that we can make light of.

If you do decide to try this little exercise, let me know how it works! Emoticon: Grin :D I hope me and you can be shy strong together, awesome charming quiet but not awkward people.
“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.” --JAROD KINTZ
  Post: #721198 Link to this post, Sat 20 Jul 13, 2:36AM
:: Shy_Blossomer
:: QA10 Community God
Sam is a happy panda :D [Avatar]
I'd love to be your shy strong buddy, as you said awesome,charming, quiet but not awkward Emoticon: Smile :) I may end up trying this method sooner than I expected, I will let you know how it goes Emoticon: Smile :)
A pen is to a writer as a sky bison is to an Airbender. It's just meant to be.
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.-Edgar Allen Poe
  Post: #721199 Link to this post, Sat 20 Jul 13, 2:43AM
:: fortune_cookie
:: QA10 Community God
Saied is still very much addicted to music. Happy Easter everyone! [Avatar]
I'm glad that you found a process that helps you face your anxiety about social situations. Emoticon: Smile :)

I think that the process you came up with can also be extremely helpful to combat job and college interview jitters.

I hope that you're having a great time tonight and that it's turning out way more fun than you originally anticipated.

Please, give us an update. Emoticon: Grin :D
"Take me or leave me. Accept me or walk away. Love me or hate me, but don't make me feel like less of a person if I don't fit your idea of who I should be." -Unknown

"You can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich." -Dr. Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)

“Taking the first step with the good thought, the second with the good word, and the third with the good deed, I enter Paradise.”-Persian Proverb
  Post: #721205 Link to this post, Sat 20 Jul 13, 4:21AM
:: razrsharp
:: QA9 Grand Elder
QA Member's Avatar
I feel like 'shy strong' could be a campaign for every quiet, yet awesome, person. Like, HEY! I might not be the craziest person at the party! But I bring spirit. I may not talk to everyone, but those who talk with me always return for more conversation. I may not stick out as a celebrity - I may sit in the corner some nights, and not go out at all others - but I am strong. Shy strong!
"You're like the Narnia lion of pickle land." ~ Saied

"Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family."
  Post: #721217 Link to this post, Sat 20 Jul 13, 5:56AM
:: jdbullet23
:: QA9 Grand Elder
Alexis is laughing, indefinitely [Avatar]
Thanks guys.

I actually can't take credit for this method. I read about it in a book I got called "The shyness solution." It's so amazing that I just had to share it though! Emoticon: Grin :D

So whoever decides to use it, please let me know how it works for ya. I could pass it on to more people.

Unfortunately, the party was not what I'd expected ... my brother invited over working ladies to have sex with, I guess. Blasting screamo metal and sitting in a freezing basement drinking.

Just because I'm now shy strong, doesn't mean I have to participate in situations that make me uncomfortable. That's one thing you should definitely keep in mind.

But I'm still feeling good about myself, even though I've decided this is not something I want to be a part of. I don't want to get drunk. But I will be trying out this shy strong stuff much more in the future. Emoticon: Smile :)
“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.” --JAROD KINTZ
  Post: #721219 Link to this post, Sat 20 Jul 13, 6:01AM
< Previous   |   Pages: 1   |   Next >
Back to Topics Register
LIKE THIS PAGE