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Blog Entry: Shy Strong
Blog: THE CUNNING LINGUIST
Shy Strong I've recently come to terms with the fact that I am shy. This word has always held a negative undertone for me, and for many others as well.
There has never been a question of whether or not I was shy. As early as age 4, I refused to speak even when spoken to. This, I think, has a lot to do with my insecurities about being disabled. I've always felt that people were judging me, and my typical reaction to social situations is dread. I wish the ground would just swallow me up.
But now I'm beginning to accept my shyness. It's a character trait that does not necessarily need to be negative. I can say, "I'm shy," and try to take pride in it. My social anxiety doesn't have to hold me back. Rather, I can try to overcom eit.
Being "shy strong" means that you are shy, but at the same time you are comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. You're not necessarily the life of the party, but you're the cool kid sitting with ease in a group of people, observing and adding to the good vibe of the party. People are drawn to someone like this, because they feel that they're easy to talk to and very comfortable with themselves. And whenever they speak, everyone listens.
This is what I'm trying to be. I actually think I'm close to this persona, but I'd have to gain the courage to ask someone who sees me often what they think of me in social situations. I'd like to give off a vibe of confidence and quiet strength, rather than socially awkward and edgy around company.
Tonight, my parents are away and my brother is bringing over friends and a few girls I've never met. I'm so anxious that I almost got sick. So this is what I'm going to do to chase off this anxiety. I'm going to get myself comfortable with the situation.
1. My brother is bringing over friends, and I'm scared.
2. Why am I scared? I'm afraid that they'll judge me. I'm afraid that I won't be able to hold a conversation with anyone. They'll think I'm weird. I'll freeze up as usual and won't be able to speak. Everyone will know I'm awkward. It'll be so devastating that I'll lose so much confidence, and I'll never be able to be around people again. And I'll embarrass my brother.
3. Do I have to do this? Yes. Why? Because I'm tired to hiding from people because I'm scared. I tired of sitting alone, online, or reading, because I'm afraid that someone will judge me. I want to make new friends, or at least meet new people. I want to be known as cool and confident, and maybe even funny.
4. I choose to stay downstairs and hang out with my brother and his friends tonight. I know that I'm a cool, sweet, fun person who they would all like to know. I won't take from the party, but I'll add fun to it. They'll be happy for my company. They see me as Tyler's cool little sister, and my brother will have a good time before he leaves for the army.
5. I'm visualizing myself tonight. I'll be shy strong and charismatic. Even charming. I'll add to the conversation, maybe even make some easy jokes that people will laugh at. I'll only get a bit tipsy, not drunk. This may help me feel good enough to relax, but even if I decide not the drink, I'll be visibly relaxed and comfortable with myself. I'll be involved in the conversation, and will have a much better time than I would if I'd decided to hide upstairs and watch TV all night.
Now I feel way better.
And if you're also socially anxious and shy, I suggest this process. It really works.
Just state what's making you anxious. Then state your fears, both rational and irrational. Tell yourself that you need to do this, and why. Consciously choose to go through with it, and state why you're choosing this. Then, visualize yourself in the most flattering light during this situation.
Anyway, I'm very glad I was able to come to terms with this. Wish me luck in this party tonight.
views: 458 responses: 6
posted by jdbullet23 on Saturday 20 July 2013 at 1:03AM
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