Blog Entry: What is love even?

What is love even? So I've managed to get myself into a monogamous relationship (Woah whut, yeah i know right) Basically I met this girl at a gay youth meet up months back and we have been flirting a lot and she asked me out once but I said no because she was a player and I'm not good with relationships.

But for some reason I always kept coming back to her, like a fucking magnetic pull. I mean we don't have a great deal in common and there's the whole kind of language barrier (She's polish but has lived her for quite a few years and can speak English pretty well) I just know that we're different but at the same time she's sweet and she likes me a lot, so much so that she's trying to change her ways and then there's me, Off my meds drinking and asking her for permission to kiss other girls when she's told me she couldn't have an open relationship with me because she cares about me too much. And my whole mentality towards this relationship is "Well no one else wants me so I might as well go for it" I mean how cunty does that sound? And yes I just said "Cunty".

Basically what I'm trying to ask after that rant is "What is love?" Because I know I always feel it for the wrong people, People who live thousands of miles away and have no interest in me "in that way" and i'm tired, tired of being alone, and i'm being selfish and indulging in this relationship even though I know this girl could get hurt. Because I'm at the stage where i'm like "Fuck it" It's a miracle that i'm even still alive *Sigh*

I'm on an epic low right now and my mum and step dad have been arguing for about 1 hour 45 mins and counting.... >.< Someone take me away?