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Blog Entry: The Depression Rant!!!
The Depression Rant!!! I'm sick and tired of being alone. I'm sick and tired of life passing me by. I'm sick and tired of seeing great people and opportunities walk in and out of my life.
Yes I've come out last year but I never talk about it. Not to my parents, not to anyone. I never ever came out to anybody in person, so am I really out?
But this rant is not about that at all. Its about me not being able to not step out of my comfort zone and meet great people and keep the great people that graced my life over the years. A lot of my friends have just faded away to nothing but a blip on my facebook page.
My biggest problem is that I'm very socially awkward. Even tonight as I was at a 25th aniversary, I couldn't muster the courage to go over and talk to an old friend that I never spoke to in years. Its not that I've never wanted to and I not that I didn't know what to say, its just I...I don't know really.
He's cute and I think he's gay. I would like to have him in my life as a friend at least but I couldn't bring my self to walk four tables over and say "Hello". Perhaps I syke myself out or something.
But it's not only that. Wether it would be potential boyfriends, potential friends, co-workers and even some family I still keep people at a distance. Not letting them in, letting them think that I'm the 'joker' of the group, the guy thats going somewhere or what ever bs they talk about.
The only one who I really say anything to is anyone online that may leand me their ear. People in good faith trust my word in saying that I'm who I am on my profile. People that only will know what I tell them about myself. People that I will never meet face-to-face to see their reaction when I tell that I'm gay.
I'm just sick of being shy! I'm sick of not acting on impulses I should be acting upon! I'm sick of being afraid to explore the "gay" side of life to develop who I am. I'm sick of being intimidated by the more "colorful" gays that seem to have it all together and know what they want. I'm sick and tired not having a single friend to talk to about this with. I'm sick of being depressed. I'm just sick of being alone.
views: 275 responses: 4
posted by Edward1389 on Sunday 15 July 2012 at 2:03AM
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