Blog Entry: Night Song (Fear)

Night Song (Fear) I find male sexual appetites disgusting. Repulsing.

Yet, I cannot totally avoid them.
There's a part of me still drawn to them.
But I'm sickened by this part of me. Really sickened.

What's going on inside me is the strangest feeling.
There is... something I cannot realize. Like some faded memory from my past I cannot clearly focus on.

I'm trembling because I know it's near...it's approaching. I'm afraid. Maybe there are some connections between my eating disorder, my sexual ambiguity, my shame. If I could only know.