Blog Entry: Second Guessing Myself

Second Guessing Myself So this is it..
In just over 13 hours I will be leaving to go live with my dad. But I'm starting to second guess my decision. I want to back down but I can't because my dad has invested too much time and money into this.

Right now, what would help me more than anything would be to see my best friend before I leave. If I could do that, and get a hug from him. I might be able to tell myself I'm ready to do this. But the possibility of that actually happening is not very good at all. Actually, I don't think it really is even possible. Which I hate. I turn to him for anything, knowing he will be there for me. He's been my security blanket this whole time him and I have been friends.

There is a part of me that feels selfish for choosing to move in with my dad because I thought about what I wanted instead of thinking about what my friends and family would want me to do. And now I'm scared all of it is going to turn around on me and come back to bite me in the ass.
Yes I'll be happier. Yes this will be good for me. But what about my friends and family? Will they be happier? Will this bring us closer or tear us apart?

I know by leaving behind all these people there's a chance that in the next couple months, I could just become a distant and faded memory to them. And by this time next year, they probably won't even remember who I am.
I don't want to be "just a memory" to them. I know I have lost them if that's what I become.