Blog Entry: Strong for Myself

Strong for Myself Sometimes I feel like I'm only strong when I have nothing left. I leave everything behind so often that I don't leave myself things to hold onto, and I think sometimes that's worse than having to say goodbye. I have no one else to be strong for, or be strong with, or to be strong for me. It's just me, and it's always been just me. I've been finally learning how to be strong for myself because there's no one else to do it for and no one else to do it for me. No one is going to love me like I love me, no one is going to keep me strong like I can. And sometimes, this makes me sad. I don't make lots of lasting friends, I don't keep in touch with people. I don't miss people. I'm extremely alone in life and I have to deal with that. Partially this is my fault, because of the way I am. I don't let people in, I don't put myself out there and I protect my heart like you wouldn't believe. I back away from relationships from people when I get afraid that I'll get in too far, or care for them more than they care for me. So maybe, I'm not really as strong as I thought I was. I'm making a goal now though, one for myself. I'm not going to cut anymore. I can find another way to keep me from breaking, because in my heart I know I'm fucking stronger than that and I'm not going to be the one responsible for breaking myself. I'm going to be strong for me, for no one else, and I'm going to do it right this time because I love myself and I know I'm worth it.

Why did I blog this? Because putting it in writing makes it mean more than it does in my head. I have physical proof now and I know I can do this.