Blog Entry: I am just so tired

I am just so tired So I'm constantly tired, not physically anymore. I used to keep myself awake, but now I let my nightmares take me... But I'm tired mentally. Everyday I just want to sleep forever, even if I hate my dreams... It's better than waking up and having to live my life. I'm so tired of everything that's been going on. Like, my friend Sam, trying to get me to sing, when I barely even like hugging people (gives me a bit of a freak out, I'm working on it...)
My voice is alright, but I'm so afraid that I'm horrible at it, I tried out at my 6th grade talent show once and afterwards was laughed at by 2 of my "friends". I don't want something like that to happen again, and my friend Autumn, everyone wants to read her journal. I keep thinking "JUST LET HER BE GUYS, YOU WANT US READING YOUR THOUGHTS?" Same with me, Sam always wants to read whats up with me in my journal. I'd love to share, when I'm ready. I'm tired of the forcing and the abuse. I would like to be left alone.
Autumns voice however, it's like how Katniss describes her fathers voice... So high and clear..., it makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time. I'm honestly jealous of her voice, and just her in particular, and I'm very tired of all the hate, rage and sadness stuffed up inside me all the time. The only way I get to show emotion is by writing. I'm so used to being hurt, I've become numb, I don't feel anything if I cut, I don't feel anything about the words people say to me anymore (unless they're formed by the people I trust, in my group of friends) and I honestly want to feel free again.
I want to fly,
but most of the time,
I want to fall and disappear off the face of the earth.
I'm so weird