Blog Entry: Help. (That sinking feeling)

Help. (That sinking feeling) So the time is nearly here.
I'm going to come out about being a girl.
And after a day of thinking about it, this will likely be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.
For those of you who have never had to deal with this or thought much into this, this is essentially what it's like: I'm changing what has been "me" for 16 years, into something drastically different, physically. And my entire life will change, as will EVERYTHING else. Many of my friends will leave me. The remaining friends' parents will be freaked out. I'll be the only transitioning person in my school. It gets confusing. What bathroom do I use at school? What do i tell people when they ask what I am, what I'm becoming? How will I deal with the stares and cruel questions of all of my classmates? What about in my own home? How will I deal with my father, who is already impossible enough to live with; now I'll just be another sick freak to him, and nothing more, which doesn't bother me, but just gives him more fuel to pick on and mock me with.
How does one just suddenly go from being a boy to a girl in the eyes of everyone they have known?
Coming out like this doesn't just happen once. It happens over, and over, and over again, constantly, ad nauseam, until everyone who thought you were a boy knows. Who knows how long that will take. And I don't think I can do it.
But I have to if I ever want to be me.