Blog Entry: I'm Crying

I'm Crying I suppose it's best if I write it down now. Nothing will change the fact that it all happened within a span of a day, and nothing will change the fact that I will never feel again.

It started around... Band. Third period, usually the only class I ever look forward to. This time was... Different. Checked my text messages on my phone, surprised and a little unnerved when I found a new message from... Dakota... The preview was 'I'm sorry'.

I read it. Three, four, five times. Tears began to well. She was going to dump me. She told me I was so 'strong' and 'brave' to be able to change who I am. And that I didn't need her any longer.

That was the first sign something was up.

This wasn't like her, I knew, and so... I sent a text back. Of course, I'm not the innocent one here. I admit, I was cruel, but it was merely fear. I didn't want to lose her. The night before was a wonderful, beautiful night, she and I spoke for a while, teased each other over Skype...

More messages. Lunch time came. So did those damn messages. She told me to be strong. To find someone to love that would love me just as equally, who could do what she couldn't do. Love me, touch me, hold me.

I was fiery, once more. But slowly, as desperation crept in, I became a pleading mess. And still, I had to go on. Had to act as if I was perfectly fine, and try not to break down. I had three more classes. I needed to get through them.

Message after message. By Biology, my fifth and second-to-last period, I was beginning to dread that I had no chance left. I told my friend - who had a crush on me - about it, trying to keep strong by trying to act as if it were nothing.

I knew better.

Periods passed. I got out, struggled to keep myself together, then collapsed into a final, sobbing mess before my friend, Zoe. She comforted me - and I'm so, so... Relieved at that - and I continued to try and get a grip.

I knew I would have to leave. My bus would come, and I'd have to go. Away from the only comfort I had. I was desperate.

So I kissed her.

She was... Nice enough to accept it. It was merely a short thing, my lips against hers for less than a second. And I managed a smile, teasing her with 'See? That wasn't so bad', and trying to seem... Better.

I knew it was a pathetic move.

I'm just a mess.

So. That was my day. Fun, huh?