Blog Entry: Losing Someone

Losing Someone It’s a very sad thing when you lose someone. I’m not talking about losing someone to death. I’m talking about losing someone to, well, maybe even life itself.

When you know everything about a person, their story, their life, and you can recognize anything about them, their voice, their laugh, the sound of their walking, even to recognizing their energy behind you… When you know all of that and you lose that person to life, they’re still there. You still know everything. You still recognize everything, but the person isn’t yours anymore. You’ve lost them, but you’re reminded so frequently of them, the time you had together, and it’s almost like an axe hacking away at a tree; it may take a short time or a long time, the axe digging further and further into the tree, but eventually that tree falls.

When it does, when you’ve been broken, and there is no going back, what then? Do you try again with another person? Only for it to maybe happen again? Why would anyone want it to happen more than once? You see, when you know someone so well, when they are a big part of your life, and you lose them, you lose a part of yourself too, because they became apart of you. When they’re gone, they take back what they gave you, and a little bit more too. So you’re left with less of yourself. So why try again? Why take the chance of having more of you ripped away?

The trouble is, with less of yourself, you want more. You need more. You crave more. You want someone there for you. To help you. To give themselves to you. And you get scared that you won’t ever find another person to do that. And you also get scared that if you do, you will do what has been done to you to the new person. You’re scared that you will take away from them too.

Why are humans like this? Always trying to take. Being reluctant to give. And always ending up hurting each other. Have we all been scarred into doing so? Or is it born into us… Survival of the fittest instinct? Were we designed to do this? Is it in our genetics?

The truth is… People aren’t all bad. One person may do something bad to you. But does that make them a bad person? When they could go on to do something so good for another? I shudder to think that I have done what has been done to me, but if I have, I hope it doesn’t make me a bad person. Because, I don’t want just for someone to give themselves to me. I also want to give myself to someone. But now, I’m so scared.