Blog Entry: A Homophobic Day Filled with Realizations

A Homophobic Day Filled with Realizations I'm not any less because I like girls. I'm not any less of a person because who I love, though I've been told it and over and over again, countless times. Marriage.. It seemed fine to me. Straights do it, what's the difference with an LGBT member? It just stuns me how indifferent people are to accepting us as people - accepting that we do what we do because we LOVE and not for any other reason.

Today, the subject of homosexuals getting married came up in politics. My teacher... It was a slap in the face.

"I'm not saying I'm against gays - it doesn't bother me that they get together. But it's my belief that marriage is reserved solely for a man and a woman."

This crushed me, and I fell silent, trying to hold back tears. It.. It degraded me. I had never felt so humiliated and low. I was nothing better than dirt in their eyes. Not even able to be married? To love?

I threw up afterwards in the bathroom. I.. I didn't see a reason to live or love any more. There was nobody who would accept me, who would take me for me. Because of who I loved, it effected their look on me as a person.

I can't explain how degrading and horrible this was. Horrible. I was in tears near all day, but Jamie really kept me going. My best friend, she is. I think she saw how much it pained me, and really kept the smile on my face.

And the worst part? I was a coward. I couldn't even stand up for myself, or the countless others who had given their lives because of people like that man, who believes our LOVE is not worthy of the exchanging of rings. Not worth a simple marriage certificate. He said 'a lot' of states allow LGBT marriages... SERIOUSLY?

Nine.

9.

Out of fifty states, only nine allow same-sex marriages. Let's face it: Civil unions and domestic partnerships are awesome and all that, and pretty close. But not the same as marriage. Not being able to say, 'SHE IS MINE.' Say your vows...

It's just another separate thing they put between us, like a barrier to separate STRAIGHTS and LGBT members.

It's so... inhumane.

I'm a person, aren't I?

Aren't I?



And.. I've come to terms with the fact that I am a victim of bullying. Today.. I hated it. When you're tripped constantly, having things thrown at your face, maybe slapping papers in your face for a laugh.. The mocking... I'm just fed up with it. Honestly. What's the point? I can't help being different. And it makes me terrified. Terrified to go to even come out, because I know they'd hate on me even more.

I'm a coward. Whoever's reading this, please forgive me.

I'm going to talk with my mom this weekend. It's time to face the truth: Bullying isn't right. And even worse? None of my so called 'friends' step in or defend me. Once. I remember a girl stepping in once when I was called fat. Otherwise? Nah. I'm laughing, I smile, I go along with it - but inside, I'm contemplating whether or not my life is really worth all this pain.

But I know it is.

I have to be ALIVE to fight for the equality of anyone. And I will do that.


Today was.. tough. But, it's one day less, and one day that makes me stronger.

~Dakota