Blog Entry: Belated New Year's Stuff and Sad News

Belated New Year's Stuff and Sad News First thing's first;
My resolutions.

*1~ Follow through on things.
I've had serious issues with this in the past. In 2012 I want to stop abandoning the projects I start, stop writing to-do lists and neglecting them, and most importantly, keep up with my promises. (this also includes following through on my resolutions.)

*2~ Improve my trust issues.
This year I intend to stop trusting those who don't deserve it, start trusting those who do, and last but most, learn to distinguish the difference between the two.

*3~ Start writing songs again.
I used to write songs all the time, and they were a fantastic way to vent and let out my feelings in a creative and non-hurtful way. I was also very proud of my songwriting abilities. But lately I've lost my muse and I refuse to give in to that. This year I'm going to start songwriting again, and maybe I'll post some of them when I get there.

*4~ Get fit.
This is an important one. As much as I hate exercise and not eating whenever I want, I really should start practicing better habits in this category. So really this means: A. Eat healthier and less often, and B. Exercise more often. (AKA lose weight.)

*5~ Learn to let people down easy without making them think you'll date them in a couple months.
There's a girl who I kind of like who really likes me. And she asked me out. I told her I wasn't ready right now, and she said she'd check back in a couple months. Aaaaand now she's texting me like 50 times a day wanting to talk to me and it makes me really sad that I might be leading her on. So like sooooon I need to tell her that it's not going to happen. My heart belongs to someone else. New Year's Eve.

Hum... where do I start? I guess I'll begin with the night before, when I got some unhappy news. But first I have to give you some background info.

So my friend Kalie (who I'm in love with) and I were planning on having a sleepover at her house on New Year's Eve. But then I told her she should just sleep over at my house because my sister and her girlfriend would be over, and we could have a Harry Potter Scene It/Glee Karaoke party with the four of us. Also, then my sister and her girlfriend wouldn't have to be awkwardly alone with my mom all night. XD She said she'd ask. And that brings us to the night before New Year's Eve. Whoot.

So Kalie and I were talking on Facebook, and I was kinda freaking out because I was unsure of what the plan was. So I got online, and she chatted me. Here's the convo:
Kalie: I needa talk to you. -_________-
Me: Yes.
Kalie: so. my parents say i can't go to your house. and they say that our sleepover needs "supervision" IDK why. its frusterating meh
Me: You don't know why at all?
Uhhh... whuuuuut.?
Kalie: well.......................... because they are afraid you like me and your going to rape me?
Me: Uhm. Did they say that?
Kalie: It was implied.
Me: Uhm how? Why? Whadafu?
Kalie: "Because it's like having a guy sleep over."
Me: Uhm so they know then? That I'm not exactly straight as a pole?
Kalie: Yeah, they were all like "Wait... is she bi?" and I couldn't exactly lie...
Me: Why did they ask that?
Kalie: IDK. I was eating soup and then I was like so am I going to her house? And they asked that.

So basically, her parents didn't want me to sleep over because they found out I'm lesbian and thought I would try something on Kalie. She said they would let me come over, just not for the night, and that I'd have to go back home like at 12:30. So I was kind of freaking out, you know? Like, fantastic, I'm in love with someone who has freaking homophobic parents. >.New Year's Eve.

So, I got up, feeling crappy. Blah blah blah I packed and went on the ferry and got to my mom's house. She called Kalie's mom and since Kalie's mom didn't want a sleepover and I didn't fancy the idea of just going over to their house for a while, they decided I would go to Kalie's at 4, and then at 6 we would eat dinner at Red Robin, and then on the way back they'd drop us off at my house and her mom would pick her up at 12:30. And we did. So I went to her house and we watched How I Met Your Mother and just hung out, which was fun. Her parents didn't act weird to me like I thought they would, which was good. And then we went to Red Robin, which was fun. While we were waiting to be seated, Kalie had to put something back in the car so I went with her, and on the walk there she asked me how much I liked Owl (my friends and I use code names. To Kalie, I'm Coffee, and she's Owl. My other friend Gianna is Cake, and my other friend Dorian is Grapes). I was like, "I'm not telling you!" And she replied, "Whyyyy?" I told her that people don't usually like to tell people how much they like them when the other person doesn't feel the same way. She said, "Who said I didn't feel the same way?" I glanced at her and said, "You! On November 22nd! When you broke up with me!" She looked confused for a second and then sighed, flustered. By that time we were back in the restaurant so we couldn't talk about it any more. We got seated, and halfway through the meal, Kalie said she had to go to the bathroom and I went with her. Of course that didn't actually mean she had to go to the bathroom, it meant she wanted to hang out there where her family wouldn't be eavesdropping. I told her "A lot." in answer to her previous question, and she was like, "How much a lot?" And I said, "A lot a lot." She didn't like how vague this answer was, so she asked me how much on a scale of 1-10. I refused to tell her that, because honestly she broke my scale. xD Eventually we left and her mom told us they had been waiting for us. XD Whooooops.

And then we were done with dinner, I put my leftovers (that pasta was GINORMOUS) into a box, wrote "Bridget's Awesome Pasta" on it, and we left. In the car, Kalie's little brother, who was like 7, was making crude jokes which cracked us all up. And then we got to my house. We hung out for a while, and then played Apples to Apples with my sister and her girlfriend. I ended up with 'fabulous', 'hot', 'funky', 'easy', 'idiotic', 'nerdy', 'unnatural', 'complicated', 'delightful', 'unreal', and 'derpy'. We took this to mean I was a stripper who did complicated poledances in a nerdy bar that played funky music. xD It was actually quite entertaining. Then we hung out some more, ate ice cream with demented Magic Shell, and, because the New York ball drop rerun was showing Justin Bieber, switched to Animal Planet to watch Too Cute! Kittens until Midnight. xD The awkward thing was, Kalie and I had both admitted previously that we wanted to kiss at midnight, and obviously we didn't, because my family was in the room. I don't know what would have happened if they hadn't. We might have. *shrug* XD And then we went upstairs to wait for Kalie's parents to get there. We talked more then, and I told her it would be like a 10/10... or an 11... or a 12... xD I also told her that Cake was like a 6 or 7 and Grapes was like a 3 or 4. She told me that I was like an 8 or 9, Bear (a guy she likes) was like a 6, and Gecko (another guy she likes) was like a 4. She then told me that she really broke up with me not because she thought she was straight, but because her parents found out and freaked out. She felt bad because she just made me a duct tape wallet and I got her a penguin necklace as Christmas presents, but I told her I didn't need anything. She said, "Yeah, but what do you want?" I should've told her... I should've told her that all I wanted for Christmas was... her.

I should have kissed her then, while we were waiting for her parents. There was no one there. The first time we had been really alone in a while. I definitely should have. I'm mad at myself for not just going for it.

But... yeah. Then her parents came and I had to go to bed. The first song I sang in 2012 was "All I Want for Christmas is You." ...And then "Waka "Waka" by Shakira. XD That song gets stuck in a person's head WAY too easily.

So that was my New Year's Eve experience. On New Year's Day I found out my grandma who has cancer is going to die in the next year. Yippee. <_< And today I found out that she's unconscious and very likely won't wake up. And the worse part is, she used to teach at my school, and people really didn't like her for some unknown reason (I had her, I didn't see anything wrong with her as a teacher), so if they rag on her I'm going to end up punching somebody. <_<