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Blog Entry: Cutting :(
Entry
Cutting :(
Okay, so lately I've been SO tempted to cut again. I never did it hardcore (I guess you could call it that) all i ever used was a fork and my nails (on my hand!) and toothpicks, and I never really bled, except for once, with the fork..
But this all was a long time ago.
Well, except for earlier today when I got mad at myself.
Lately, I've also been having thoughts of suicide. Now, i understand that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and that I shouldn't do it. Yeah, I get that. But the thoughts keep coming back.
It's creeping me out. A lot.
And, I still wanna cut. Really badly. I dunno why. Probably because of the following:
Jealousy
Anger
Confusion
Depression
Attention
Yeah. I know. I shouldn't. I won't. But, the thought keeps arising, and it is so darn tempting............. 
views: 1348 responses: 9 posted by Whitney on Sunday 1 January 2012 at 8:07AM
BlogResponse
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Your right to think you shouldn't cut because you shouldnt it will just escalate. I used to be as you put it "not a hardcore cutter" I even managed to quit for a few months. Then I started again, using first knives now razor blades. I used to be clean for weeks in between times I cut, now its just days. No matter what you tel yourself it will get worse and you will get addicted to it. So just keep telling yourself not to do it and hang in there!
We're hot, we're nuts, we're suicidal.
~EA
Intelligent girls are more depressed because they know what the world is really like
~EA
But oh what beautiful things I'll wear, what beautiful dresses and hair, I'm luckily to share his bed especially since I'll soon be dead
~EA
SPREAD THE PLAGUE
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Post: #595573  , Sun 1 Jan 12, 8:31AM |
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:: Kala
:: QA3 Getting cosy | |
i found it helped to not think about NEVER cutting, just setting little time periods for yourself. Telling yourself and others (who you trusted, i told QA at one stage) hey, listen. i'm not going to cut for the next twenty four hours. and then you just lean on them for that twenty four hours, then it's like hey, that wasn't quite as bad as i imagined, i'll hold out another 24 hours, then another, then another.
Don't get me wrong its so hard. One of the hardest things i ever did in my life was stop cutting, but i'm so proud i did, i can wear shorts for the first time in over a year, the scars are still there, but i've learnt to be proud of them. They were part of someone i used to be, not of who i am now.
So just stay strong eh? set yourself little goals, and try your very best.
We're ALL here if you need us.
Flick me a PM if you need anything
-k x
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Post: #595574 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 8:37AM |
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I don't really know what to say except that I really hope you don't. I know that's hypocritical seeing as I have but I hate to see anyone hurting that much. Physically OR emotionally. I've found its easier if you have someone to talk to before you get to that point.
So if you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me. I'll always listen, never judge, and never tell another soul if that's what you want.
Just wanted you to know I'm here cuz I've been where you're at and I know how awful it feels.
Your dreams are your wings. }|{
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Post: #595587 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 9:05AM |
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I know how you feel. Ive only cut once but its been so tempting to do it again. And i also had thoughts of suicide that never seemed to leave. Stay strong and know that you arent alone! If you want to talk you can pm me!
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.
"Rub that glitter and grease around"
~Lady Gaga
"I'm fierce and I'm feeling mighty. I'm a golden girl, I'm an aphrodite, alright!"
~Kylie Minogue
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Post: #595590 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 9:16AM |
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I know how you feel Iv gone through the exact same thing(I still am two some extent) if you ever need anything message me
I'm that cliff-jumper your parents warned you about
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. My weakness is that I care too much
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Post: #595668 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 4:28PM |
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I know what it's like sometimes it is so hard to resist but, really the only way to get through it is to preoccupy yourself.
The only thing which really stops me from cutting is listening to music really loud like literally have it blaring.
If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me anytime ok. 
What knocks you down in life , can only make you stronger.
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Post: #595673 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 4:32PM |
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Thank you all guys! I'm hanging in there.
@Kala, I think that will really work, so thanks for the advice
What a privilege to be here on the planet to contribute your unique donation to humankind. Each face in the rainbow of colors that populate our world is precious and special.
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Post: #595702 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 5:44PM |
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Okay, I'm not gonna tell you not to cut like everyone else has. Everyone else is (mostly) over that now, and I think I can give you slightly better advice because I'm not over it. Rather than telling you not to, I'll leave that decision up to you. But I want you to think about it.
When I was in the fifth grade, I cut for the first time. I used scissors, and it was a one-time thing, I thought. Between the fifth and sixth grades, I was always thinking about cutting, but I didn't because I was an avid soccer goalkeeper, and having the ball hit my scars and my jersey and pants rubbing them would seriously hurt. When I entered middle school (seventh grade here in Canada), I was bullied a lot. I started cutting again, and it got really bad. My parents found out, and I was never allowed in my room with the door closed except when I was changing. Whenever I went to shower, when I got out, my mom had to check my legs and arms for cuts. I had to see the school guidance counsellor every day for four months, all because my parents saw that I had done it once. In the eighth grade, they thought I stopped. I had just found new tools. Despite how much pain cutting had caused for me, my friends, and my parents, I couldn't stop. It became all I thought about. I was constantly cutting, whether I was happy, sad, angry, jealous, or anything else. I cut when I felt something, because I thought I needed to. Now, I'm in the tenth grade. Nearly five years since I cut, just once, and I'm still completely addicted. I have a small razor blade wrapped up and I keep it in my pocket at all times. When I'm in crowds, I scan peoples' arms, wondering if they cut. I talk about self harm all the time, and I'm constantly thinking about it. A lot of people don't think that self-harm can become an addiction, and that it's controllable. It isn't.
I know that the pain right now might be enough for you to think that cutting is a good idea. Trust me, I completely understand. The emotional pain will go away, though. If you can find someone that you can talk to, the emotional pain will ease away. But that physical pain will take a long time to go away. You'll feel it whenever you look at your scars. If you're still on the fence and contemplating it, part of you knows not to do it. Find something else. Draw yourself on a piece of paper, and take a red pen and draw lines where you would cut. Talk to someone. Hold an ice cube in your hand, if you want the physical pain. I'm ultimately going to leave you to decide whether cutting is the right decision for you, but please, consider the consequences. I can never get back what I had before I started cutting.
If you need to talk to anyone, my inbox is always open for PMs. I know what you're going through, and I can help.
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Post: #595714 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 6:02PM |
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@Julie, that story just might change my mind.
Thank you for the advice, and I really hope that you get better!
What a privilege to be here on the planet to contribute your unique donation to humankind. Each face in the rainbow of colors that populate our world is precious and special.
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Post: #595721 , Sun 1 Jan 12, 6:15PM |
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