Blog Entry: Was a Vlog, Now a Blog, Lost hope.

Was a Vlog, Now a Blog, Lost hope. This was going to be a vlog, but I just can't cope with doing that at the moment, so It's a blog instead.

I’m tired of being alone, I want to be happy again, I want to be loved by someone, I can’t cope by myself much longer, I cry myself to sleep many nights, wishing I had someone to Hug, someone to love me, someone for me to love. I know I should keep waiting, that I’m probably being a fool, I know that many of you will want someone as well and that I’m not alone.

I’m sinking down, I can’t cope much longer, I fight it every day but I sink further down, I walk the silent midnight streets alone, I like the peace there, it helps me escape my pain, my chaos, though I just wish that I did have someone to hold my hand, to walk with me, That I was no longer alone.

So much of the time I feel like crying, I feel like crying now, but I can’t, I have no tears left, I’m cold and dry, I feel like I have no hope, That there is no reason to carry on fighting, Some days, I just want to give in to my pain, and go to sleep and never wake up, because In my dreams I’m happy, I have someone by my side, holding my hand and I can cope.

And I can’t carry on, not like this, not anymore. I have fought so long, I sit and wait, I search for hope, and I know that as long as I have hope I can carry on, but my hope is going, I don’t feel like there is any hope for me left. My hope is going, and without it I have nothing keeping me going. I bite my lips, they are in shreds, they are purple from bruising, and torn and scared from me ripping bits off them.

I want to lie in bed and cry, but I can’t the tears won’t come, I want to let it all out but I can’t. I want to let all the pain I have in me free, but I can’t, it’s bottled up, it festers and builds, and it only gets worse.

To be honest, I don’t know how I’ve managed to get this far. I’m not going to be able to cope much longer, without hope, I’m nothing. I’m sorry this is so depressed and downbeat and all that, but I can’t bring myself to keep lying about how I feel.

If it wasn't for Dawn and QA I don't think I would be able to carry on much more.

Thanks for reading, Hope you feel better than I do.