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He touched me...by CRASSrebel (all) Mon 5 May 08, 1:56AM 5 responsesThis weekend we went on an orchestra trip up to canyon city. I was sleeping most of the time, curled up on our bassist, who was my buddy for the trip. We're really good friends and everything, so it was all cool, and i was fine. but then on the way back, while i was sort of sleeping, but i was on...

I MISS MY MOMMY!!!!by CRASSrebel (all) Thu 17 Apr 08, 10:07PM 9 responsesi know that title sounds really ridiculous and stupid and childish, but i do! and i wish she was here so i could cook dinner with her, and and i wish i hadn't cut my hair so short so that she could braid it again and...and...i miss her! she's at work right now. but i miss her more than that. ...

hehe, i've lost it nowby CRASSrebel (all) Wed 16 Apr 08, 9:22PM 6 responseson sunday, i got rid of everything. i burned all my old art pieces, and all my old writing pieces. i threw away everything else. this everything else includes pictures of my dead uncle, orchestra pictures, a quilt that i sewed when i was little, everything. everything that ever meant anything. ...

Teen Lit. Conferenceby CRASSrebel (all) Fri 11 Apr 08, 12:31PM 2 responsesi went to the teen literature conference again this year. it was pretty awesome. except that when i walked into the GLBTQ lit. session, there were like 2 other kids, and the rest were librarians who had no idea what GLBTQ stood for. the lady sitting next to me thought i was in college (i'm a fres...

Wow, it took a long time for this to register...by CRASSrebel (all) Thu 3 Apr 08, 9:47PM 7 responsesso it finally hit me that i will never have kids. i've always said i don't like kids. except that sadly, i do. perhaps i thought that if i said it enough, it would be true. but i do like kids. and i always kind of dreamed of having kids. but i will never have them. because i'm gay and artific...

Motherby CRASSrebel (all) Sun 30 Mar 08, 11:39PM 3 responsesi let my mom do my makeup this morning. i don't even wear makeup. i miss letting her do my hair like when i was little. but i cut it all off and you can't really do much of anything with it anymore. i miss being close with my mom. i feel like i've lost her, slowly, by keeping my secret. but no...

Surprise, Surpriseby CRASSrebel (all) Thu 27 Mar 08, 1:48PM 3 responsesSo i just found out something new about my uncle. just to give you all a little background, he killed himself a couple years back and we all loved him a lot. i really really miss him, and i've spent lots of nights crying myself to sleep and wondering why he wasn't here because i just knew he would...

Prideby CRASSrebel (all) Wed 27 Feb 08, 12:29AM 11 responsesi know the title is kind of ironic because of my last blog, but i wrote this poem as an english assignment. we had to write about something we were really passionate about. You hate me for who I love You'll hate me because I love "her" and not "him" I walk down the hall and you peg me with an ...

Out! (Now what about Proud?)by CRASSrebel (all) Sun 24 Feb 08, 4:58AM 7 responsesso i'm out to a bunch of people now. and it's not a big deal anymore, and i'm not ashamed or anything. but i don't feel really PROUD! you know? and i don't know if it's just that i don't have the energy, but i really want to just be proud of who i am. and i guess being alone and in love with a s...

why can't i be just one person?by CRASSrebel (all) Sun 17 Feb 08, 8:36PM 7 responsesso i've felt like shit for a very long time now. i think that the trauma of everything that's happened on top of having to deny my sexuality for so long has split me up into a bunch of different people. there's Self-pitying me, Reasonable me, Hateful/pissed off/wild me, and Injured/vulnerable/frag...

(it's about homosexuality and straight people)by CRASSrebel (all) Fri 15 Feb 08, 7:52PM 6 responsesso i've been talking to this guy who goes to a friend of mine's church about homosexuality and the bible and stuff. so anyway it got into him asking me all these questions about my sexuality and stuff and i mean, these were really personal questions. things that i don't talk to people about. but ...

Homosexuality: a problem?by CRASSrebel (all) Sun 10 Feb 08, 10:07PM 13 responsesha, so i have this homophobic friend that i came out to and she comes from an ultraconservative christian family. the only reason i told her is because she was going to make this huge mess with this guy who's a friend of mine. she was telling him that i liked him a lot except that that's kind of i...

Valentine's dayby CRASSrebel (all) Sat 9 Feb 08, 4:01AM 19 responsesSo I've been really NOT looking forwards to Valentine's day. I'm totally in love with my straight best friend from fifth grade, who got a boyfriend just last Tuesday. I've basically been doing nothing but mope around for the past week. and then she saw me drawing hearts in my planner run through ...

Acheby CRASSrebel (all) Tue 5 Feb 08, 7:36AM 4 responsesYou tell me you love me I say it back I know you mean it Just as a friend And I watch you Slip away Into his arms Into his arms And i watch you Happy today In his arms In his arms I wish they were mine All the things that we've been through All the troubles we've faced I love you M...

Feelingsby CRASSrebel (all) Tue 5 Feb 08, 2:25AM 8 responsesToday felt really weird. It felt like all the layers of protection I've put up have been stripped away. I feel so exposed and vulnerable and sensitive, so much so it's physical. I can't stand to be touched. It's sort of that achy sick feeling but I know I'm not sick. I can't stand to be around ...

Unrequited loveby CRASSrebel (all) Mon 4 Feb 08, 2:08AM 4 responsesShe makes my heart beat faster, faster Yet i feel so calm around her Touch of velvet, eyes of coal I cannot stand to be alone Her touch, it shows her care for me (the care of a friend) Her eyes, they probe my deepest sea (but she still doesn't know) Setting her apart from others Ryn, she is...

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